When Friendship is Hard + Introductions Harder // Coffee Series

Coffee with friends requires a few things.

 

First, coffee. (And I've got some yummy hazelnut brew in the pantry and almond milk if your game ;)

 

Second, some place to rest your rump and sit face-to-face in heartfelt conversation.

 

Finally, it requires friends. You know, those people who manage to hop into their cars, set life aside and take the time to really hear what you're trying to say.

 

But if you're anything like me (a darling homebody who has a thing for Netflix, oven-baked pizza, a handsome husband and Dutch Blitz) then you might hate the process of making friends .

 

Because it is a process.

 

First, you must suffer through the introductions.

 

"Hi, I'm Frannie. What do I do? Well, I'm a stay-at-home wife who washes dishes and vacuums for happiness, substitutes occasionally and blogs; nerdy, right? Oh, what else do I like to do ? Well ... have you ever heard of Pinterest?"

 

I hate introductions.

 

Hopefully, you'll be bewildered (and blessed) by that precious person who manages to find you interesting and you'll get a text or Facebook message asking you to meet for coffee.

 

You say yes because you really do like this gal and can't wait to be friends but then immediately regret your decision because you'll spend every moment beforehand stressing out. You'll change your outfit at least four times, drive your husband nuts in the process and arrive early but sit in your car because you don't want to appear too eager for friendship.

 

Of course the next step is the weird dance of the do I hug this person or shake hands or awkwardly wave ... I'll settle for a wave ... oh, wait, she just went in for the hug ... eh. Naturally, you're sweating profusely and you haven't even ordered your coffee yet.

 

Darlings, making friends is a process and, for you precious introverts, I know it can be a difficult one.  

 

But friendship, forged over time, laughter and cups of coffee, is worth every ounce of gold in King Midas' palace. (Did you catch that reference, fangirls?)

 

I know because there are some lovely women who decided to befriend me. Women who have been there when I was single, lonely, pushing through college exams, preparing for overseas schooling, working in a kitchen, dating, engaged, married, thought I was pregnant, homesick.

 

Some have cried with me; many have laughed.

 

And through these forges of love we have grown closer into the image of Christ.

 

So, darling, this is the spring of making/pursuing/rejoicing in friendships. I know it can be hard but I want to encourage you to be brave + vulnerable.

 

(in)courage has been sharing a lot on friendship lately and I think you'd love what their saying. My favorite post, Friendship: A Piece of Cake, by Ann Swindell has me smiling and thinking about those special people in my life who could be reminded how amazing they really are.

 

With lots of love, sunshine and hazelnut coffee,

Love Letters + Other Manly Forms of Showing Love

Loving a woman can be a tedious, hard job. But a man who loves his woman -- and shows it -- will be rewarded in bountiful ways.

 I appreciate that Dalton isn't afraid of showing his love in tangible, real life, awesome ways. He knows what makes my heart tick ---> mainly, spending quality time together and receiving gifts (throw in some words of praise and I'm really one happy little woman).

Dalton has nailed the manly art of showing love. I know I am one blessed gal because of it! I have been repeatedly surprised by his purposeful efforts to show love and appreciation.

One way Dalton loves me is through letter writing. Handwritten notes were very important to us while we dated; more often than not, we wrote our personal, soft sentiments onto journal paper. Sometimes, words are better read than spoken. I am very thankful Dalton has kept up the practice. Occasionally, he'll give me a letter he wrote during the day; sometimes their funny, full of doodles and good humor. They are always encouraging and genuine.

Because I am a gift person, Dalton finds little ways to remember me. An occasional breakfast in bed, basket of candy or gift-card to Hobby Lobby has come my way ... you can be sure he gets lots of happy grins and kisses in payment. ;]

Last night Dalton purposefully turned off the tv so we could talk and catch up -- he knew the long work week had caught up with me and understood that I simply needed to curl into his chest and talk.

The world may say that real men are rough, gruff and hard.

But I'll never believe it.

Real men are like Jesus. They love others where they are; they give of themselves ... even when it hurts.

Of course, every man is different. Your darling may never kiss you on the forehead but he probably works long hours and then comes home to fix the plumbing. He may never buy you flowers but he remembers to hear your heart. Darling woman, however your man shows his love, accept it. Rejoice in the love your given and bask in the kindness showered on you.

And remember to bless you man for being manly enough to show his love.

It really is quite rare.

With love, hot chocolate and smiles!

 

// p.s. //

 

Some David Ramirez for your listening pleasure ... I wish upon you love, light and a brave heart. xo

 

How to Get Your Husband To Eat His Vegetables + Other Fables

I'm a lot of things to my husband -- a friend, comrade, keeper, lover, helpmate, playmate, encourager. 

But I'm not his mother.

I'm a first-born, mother-hen, protector personality -- the kind of woman who will ask you if your feeling alright 20 times in a minute, iron your shirt, make your favorite cookies, ask you if the temperature of the room is suitable and hover over you ensuring that your water is filled and your heart content.

I've been told it's stifling. 

I am not my husband's mother -- somehow he managed to live without someone reminding him to brush his teeth, eat his vegetables and put his shoes away before I came into his life. (He keeps assuring me that he can still do those things without oversight.) Somehow he figured out how to apply for jobs, adjust the thermostat and greet people without my tutelage ... and to be honest, I was kind of shocked.

I've  always had someone to remind how to behave; I've always had some amount of control and involvement with those younger then me. So, when my husband ordered me to stop mothering him reminded me that he was perfectly capable, I was confused, hurt and put out. I had only meant to be a helpmeet. Didn't he prefer a helpful wife over a lazy one?

I think I puffed and huffed and declared that he couldn't change me; that he should be thankful for such a helpful, sweet, willing wife.

(Hahaha, I hope Debi Pearl doesn't come after me with a spanking stick and a copy of Created to Be His Helpmeet for that statement ... actually, I do. Mine is wearing out.)

There really isn't a conclusion to this silly post other then to say that I am still learning.

I am learning to be the kind of woman my husband wants and not the kind of woman I thinks he needs. I'm finding he has no problem asking for aid when he needs it and that I need not hover over him. I'm discovering freedom in not having to be involved in his every movement and I am enjoying not being in control. It's fun watching him be himself without me critiquing and advising his every decision. Above all, I am learning to respect my husband enough to trust him. He is capable, he is wise and he is able.

Of course, I do remind him to eat his salad greens because that's simply good fun and it gets us laughing. ;]

Question: Are you a mother-hen? Or, are you one who despises mothering? Whoever you are leave a comment ... I love learning more from you!!

With lots of love, blessings and sunshine,

Learning How to Be Flexible in Marriage

One of the lessons marriage is teaching me is the importance of being flexible.

 

A few weeks ago, my darling man's work schedule changed. And we were/are thrilled! Instead of working 1 pm to 9 pm my hardworking man works from 9 am - 7 pm. Yes, he did get more hours in a day but instead of two days off he now has three! How wonderful! Not only are we blessed with an extra day off but he gets home much earlier than he used to -- perfect for having friends over or enjoying an evening out together.

 

And yet, despite the goodness of this change, I find my rigid, stick-to-the-schedule personality being stretched a bit. For nearly a year I had grown accustom to Dalton only having two days off and spending his mornings at home. Now, our mornings are a little busier than normal, the time of his absence longer and the workweek shorter.

 

At first I noticed that I was feeling a little uptight -- why should I be feeling stressed over these good changes?

 

I'm sure you too can relate. Perhaps your husband's schedule changed as well or maybe he lost his job and spends most of his hours at home with you and the babies? Maybe he has volunteered and is needed elsewhere?

 

I simply want to encourage you, dear one, to embrace the change. Embrace the challenges and joys life gives and, above all, practice being flexible. For many of us, it is easy to become stressed and weirded-out over changes  (even the good ones!). When that stress comes at you remember these three things:

 

 

Remember that God is uses these changes for good, that change is a natural part of life and that when you feel out-of-the-loop and a little stressed that God understands and invites you to His throne of grace.

 

Oh, and one last thing.

 

Choose joy.

 

Choose to accept the change in your schedule.

 

And choose to love those in your home.

 

With lots of love!

 



Joy in the Waiting // Baby Love Part 3

// photo credit //

 

It's a snowy, gray day in March. A day made for inside activities, cocoa and good conversation.

 

But there's something missing.

 

Or rather, someone.

Sweet reader, you've walked through my inner thoughts and learned about my love-hate relationship with children (hehehe .... that sounds so intense) and then discovered the beautiful (in progress) work God has done in my heart -- I no longer fear having babies and instead find a growing desire for them. To finish our series I want to write a little on what happens when you want a baby but it seems to not happen.

 

That someone missing is a little squirming bundle, a happy toddler making messes, cluttering the apartment with wipes and toys and a hundred pacifiers. A child of our own.  

 

From my perspective waiting on anything is hard. We want to grow up, marry, keep our own homes, become missionaries, have babies ... contentment is a hard thing especially when we are waiting for something good. We cannot imagine that there could be joy in the waiting.

 

All my life I have struggled with anger, frustration, sorrow and discontent when it seemed God was saying, "Not yet, dear one. Wait on my timing. And in the mean time, find joy."

 

It was and has been very difficult.

 

But, praise God, it is possible.

Over the course of my twenty-five year long lifetime I've unearthed a few ways to practice contentment; simple steps to finding joy in the waiting:

1. Realize that it is okay (and normal) to be struggling.

 

This. Is. Huge.

 

The first step to contentment, I've found, is realizing that it is okay to hurt, want and ache. If it is a good thing (marriage, children, using your likes and talents to save the world ;) then it's okay to want it. You are not bad for desiring a good thing. After you've realized that it is okay to struggle remember that ...

 

2. God is enough in the meantime.

 

(This is also huge ;)

 

When we forget that our relationship with Jesus is more then enough we become shipwrecked on an island of self pity, anger, jealousy and a nonstop struggle to get what we want.

 

I've been there. Countless times. And, friend, it is no picnic being stuck in such a terrible place.

 

If you find yourself forgetting that God is more then enough take a step back. Practice thankfulness. Thank God for your life, the sun outside, the clothes on your back. Bless you parents. Bless your spouse. Bless anyone and everyone. Being thankful is the key to remembering that God is more then enough. And when you've remembered that you really can be happy without getting what you want ...

 

3. Pray and prepare.  

 

Ask God for your heart's desire; ask in faith and with courage. The Bible tells us to do this!

 

And, while you pray, prepare.

 

Do you want to be married? Discover what makes an excellent wife and study that. Do you want to be a mother? Learn about childbirth, medicine and observe other awesome moms. Do you want to go to college or step out on the mission field? Prepare yourself by serving in your local area; study, learn, grow. Don't fool yourself into wasting the time God has given you; if He has given it then it is for your good.

 

Once you have remembered that it is okay to hurt, that Jesus is more then enough, and to pray and prepare you will discover joy in the waiting.

 

It isn't easy (and does not always feel good) but choosing contentment over frustration will prove to be a blessing every time.

 

 

Question: What have you been waiting for? Have you discovered any beautiful blessings while you wait?

 

With lots of love, blessings and snowflakes!

How God (Totally) Changed My View // Baby Series Part 2

(Aren't my nephews as cute as pie and just as eatable?)

 

I'm a woman of many contradictions.

One of the most difficult contradictions I have experienced is my great desire for (and also fear of) having children.

When we didn't get pregnant within the first six months of our marriage I panicked. "What if we cannot conceive?" "What if I am never able to give my dear husband a baby of his own?" (Dalton loves children! :)

Then there were moments when I thought we could be pregnant; when all the signs and symptoms told me to invest in a test and begin planning. I panicked during those moments too. "What if I'm not a good mom?" "What if I'm not ready?" "What if I like my life too much as it is?"

I was ashamed of my feelings. I wanted to be pregnant yet when the possibility was there I was terrorized. Thankfully, the Lord has worked (and continues to work) miracles in my heart. He has also given me grace to learn why I was afraid. Below, I have written three reason for my hesitancy towards having children; maybe one of you can relate?

 I was afraid of being pregnant because I had never taken the time to decide if I really wanted children. Children are blessings, gifts from our Heavenly Father, and they should be desired and thanked for! But as a Christian, conservative woman I had allowed myself to believe that having children was the godly thing to do -- mere duty instead of privilege. I had allowed my false belief to taint the way I viewed children; if babies are merely expected jobs then joy is lost. It was only after I was married and faced with the possibility of pregnancy that I began to see that I did in fact want children. I wanted them not because it was expected or the godly thing to do ... I wanted them because they were true blessings!

I was afraid because I was selfish. When I find more happiness in controlling an environment than enjoying/blessing the people within the environment I am being selfish. When I let myself get angry over a messy room and forget that these little people are people I am being selfish. When I love my life more than having someone new to share my life with I am being selfish. I was afraid of having children because children are a big commitment! :D I had to come face to face with my selfishness and call it for what it was ... sin.

Finally, I was afraid because I was uninformed. This was really important for me to realize. I was afraid because I was afraid! :) For some reason, I knew nothing about birth (and watching one show of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant" on TLC did not help the matter ... talk about freaky!). I was afraid of the pain, the weight gain and the body changes which often accompany pregnancy. I was afraid of the natural (and beautiful) process of birth. I was afraid of pregnancy because I was uneducated.

Since then, I've been reading about childbirth, natural labor and all that is involved. I was blessed to be apart of my sister's delivery. As I learned, the fear and anxiety magically began to drift away. I am still learning and so thankful to know that God will keep working in my life! :)

Have you ever struggled with the thought of having children? Or maybe you are one of those strangely awesome ladies who have that part of life all figured out? No matter who you are, do leave your comments. I'd love to learn from you!

With love, coffee and sunshine,

// p.s. check out this link for the final post in the baby love series! //

 

Awfully, Painfully, Terribly Awkward // Baby Series Part 1

// photo credit //

 

I have a love-hate relationship with children.

I love the idea of children, the joy they radiate and the feelings of motherliness I get when I tend to them.

But I struggle with the real deal, the in-your-face with peanut butter and jelly stains, rambunctious and sometimes naughty reality of children.

p.s. I'm laughing as I write this article. Just so you know, I don't hate children (at all). But I am terribly, awfully, painfully awkward around them ... let's proceed with examples.

Growing up, my sister and I babysat as a team. Allie was the fun, game playing, diaper changing, order-keeping sister. And while she kept the children at bay I enjoyed cleaning the house. Having inherited my dad's fear of holding small, plushy babies I didn't learn how to properly change a diaper until I was nineteen and hired at a daycare. (Can you imagined my boss' thoughts when she learned her employee didn't even know how to change a diaper!? HA!) At twenty-five I battle being irritated with the quirks of students.

Some women seem to love everything about children ... I get cranky after one hour of babysitting.

My mom encourages me that it will be different when I have my own children. And while I am grateful for the encouragement I can't but wonder what I can do to change. How can I learn to thoroughly enjoy children, to discover the joy in the mess? How do I change a twenty-five year old habit when I'm serious minded and more prone to adult conversation than play?

Prayer and time.

I'm convinced that these alone will change my attitude. I don't want to just be tolerant -- I want to accept unreservedly.

Coming up, I will share how God has been changing my heart toward children. I'll also write a little something on the patience in waiting for a child. Both are relevant to my life today.

// Click here to head on to part two //

Question: Do you relate well with children? If not, how have you learned to overcome? I'd love to learn from you --  and laugh with you too!

With love, coffee and blessings!

              

 

p.s.s. My friend Angel wrote an excellent piece on this very topic so if you love children, want to learn to love children or love random wedding pictures do check her site out. :)

 

p.s.s.s. If you're reading this and I've babysat your children before ... please don't freak out thinking I hated watching your precious babies! Ha! Not true. Every child I have watched (and there have been many) are special bundles of personality that I love and appreciate and I look forward to watching in the future.  

 

Confessions + Me // Angry, Christian and Confessing

Confession: I have an anger problem.

Wow.

I bet you didn't see that coming, did you?

But I type the truth. I have an anger problem.

And to tell the truth, it's humbling. Beneath this combed, primed and sweet complexion is a woman who still needs to grow; a woman who yearns for authenticity; a woman whose blood boils when she doesn't get her way and whose frustrations rise when she loses an argument or is criticized.

For as long as I can remember I have struggled with anger; not the fist throwing, wall punching, bad-word saying anger. But the quiet, teary-eyed, throat burning, heart thumping anger that is still as much a sin as the first.

And, for the first time in my life, I want to face it. I want to call sin sin and then I want to call upon my Savior Who died for the fits of temper and wrath which can fill my heart. I want to grow.

I've surprised you, haven't I?

It's okay; I don't doubt it.

You see, my whole life I have learned to push away my feelings, my anger, my hurt, my wishes so that others might only see what I wanted them to see. In 5th grade it was a matter of hiding my hurt when I wasn't chosen for the team or group project; at 25 it's a matter of hiding my feelings when my husband asks me how I am or a friend disagrees with my opinion. You'd never know that there was more to my cool-as-a-cucumber outlook ... until I blow-up in a angry torrent of temper and attack. (I save that for my poor husband and family ... those special few who know me enough to look beneath the constant sweetness.)

There's a lot I want to write on and even more I want to mature in; I want to be real, authentic. Most of all, I want to be full of virtue, character -- to have a heart that reflects our Father God's.

And the first step was acknowledging that I didn't have it all together; that I, Frannie Anne Duncan, have an anger problem.

Thankfully, God's Word has a lot to say about this.

 

Thankfully, for me and all my fiery-tempered sisters and brothers out there, God never calls us to be or do what He will not equip us to be or do. That gives me hope. I can truly be tenderhearted and I can forgive. We can put away bitterness and evil speaking and anger.

 

What about you? Have you struggled with anger in your life (even if it's itsy bitsy?). How did you overcome?

 

With love, coffee and a rejoicing spirit,

Following God as Dear Children // Coffee Series

It's 9:30 am and glorious.

 

With birds singing, sun shining and a cup beside me I can't help but rejoice (even though I just dribbled coffee like a sprinkler down my dress and recliner ... woopsie!)

 

Above all the beauty and joy which I have described I am most thankful for the love of God. Often, I struggle with worry and fear; I introvert too much and spend days wondering if I am doing enough,  loving enough and following enough, if my walk with God is enough. Can you relate?

 

After weeks of fretting I began to ask God to work in me; to show me His love, to lead me away from any sin and to create in me a heart that loves Him. And while I feel that I'm not where I should be He has answered my prayers.

 

 

Being followers of Christ isn't about being good enough. For "Christ's sake, I am forgiven."

 

Loving the Heavenly Father isn't about following hard rules, strict obedience and bowing down to a wrathful judge (although obedience and justice is involved). It's about "walking in love, as Christ loved us."  

 

We're called to be followers of God, as dear children. A long time ago, I wrote a little piece on the definition of the word dearheart. As I look over it I see the phrase, "Highly valued; greatly beloved; cherished; precious." Following God isn't about following hard rules; it's about following Him as highly valued, greatly beloved children. If you are a follower of Christ, you are cherished, precious and your Heavenly Father will equip you to follow His ways fully and in love.

 

And that is the greatest reason for being happy today. The springtime weather, fresh coffee and singing birds are lovely, but having a God Who has forgiven me fully, loves me as a dear child and equips me to follow Him is why I sing today.

 

What lessons have you been learning lately? Do you ever struggle with introspective thoughts and have you found freedom in looking to Christ? I would love to learn from my fellow sisters and brothers in Christ. :)

 

With love, blessings and an (empty!) mug of coffee,

55 Things I've Learned After Being Married for One Year

I can't believe it. I can't believe that Dalton and I have been married for exactly one year today. A lot of time has passed since that lovely March day; a lot of love, memories and lessons have occurred within our glorious year. Overall, I would say that our first year has been pretty easy; of course, we've had our arguments and our disappointments but theses things have only driven us closer.

Below are fifty-five things I have learned during this first year. Some are fun and silly while others are more serious; each have helped make me into the woman I am today. I look forward to seeing who I will be next year and the year after that. God bless each of you as you read this -- may it inspire, humor and bless you in your own adventures!

1. Marriage, in God's will, is one of His greatest, most kind, gifts to mankind

2. Breakfast doesn't make itself

3. But real men make breakfast (thank you, Dalton! xoxoxo!)

4. Marriage really does take a lot of work

5. And patience

6. And grace

7. Grocery shopping with Dalton is a real treat (I had always imagined I'd shop alone as my dad never went with us. :)

8. You really can live (well!) on one income

9. When buying furniture it is far better to wait for the right style, price and time than jumping into a bargain you'll regret later

10. Babies aren't just made

11. But contentment in the waiting will make you (and your spouse) grow closer to each other and the Lord

12. Homesickness is inevitable

13. And it is okay

14. But when homesickness sweeps over you, don't run home. Run to your beloved and share your heart. You'll grow through it.

15. Arguments will happen (even when you're the perfect couple!)

16. But most of the arguments will be based on miscommunication

17. Your spouse cannot read your mind and he shouldn't have to

18. Going on a date can be as simple as walking through the mall together ... the time together is oh, so priceless!

19. Husbands love to have their jokes laughed at ... but they want you to be real! ;)

20. Dalton cannot stand popping knuckles ... if I pop them while he sleeps he hears it and gives a little grunt of disapproval :D

21. Being your mate's biggest fan and advocate is *so* important. Criticizing him or allowing others to criticize him is a big no-no and a trust breaker. I learned this the hard way. Always, be on your mate's team ... you'll never regret having their trust!

22. Being thrifty can be really fun

23. But sometimes going cheap is not worth it (like buying cheap toilet paper which rips ... du du duuuuuum!)

24. The first few months of marriage will probably be a little tight in the budget ... but don't fret! In about 3 months you'll have the budget set, utilities scheduled, and furnishings furnished and you can begin to relax.

25. Husbands want to know if they're "getting fat " sometimes ... and they want an honest answer

26. Celebrating "month-a-versaries" is really fun!!

27. Riding the bus is actually ... really easy

28. Decorations can be bought little by little each year. Our Christmas tree was given to us and our ornaments were made from a package of potpourri ... but it was truly beautiful and definitely "us." I've found it far more satisfying to stay within budget and buy a little to set up home then go into debt (or over budget).

29. But remember, the budget isn't meant to be a hateful, slave master constantly whipping your backs. If you find that you can agree that the purchase is necessary then go for it! :)

30. Tubs need to be scrubbed every few months ... otherwise they get this gross ring around the edge and your sister will have to scrub it when she comes to visit they get gross.

31. Your Momma is really, really going to miss you (and you her). Bless her, call her, text her, send letter to her ... do all that you can to make this transition easier for the dear woman who has loved you all your life. I wish I had done more of this in the beginning!! <3 p="">
32. A man who makes you coffee is a man worth keeping!!

33. Men like kindness (imagine that!). But really, it's true. Sometimes new wives tend to allow familiarity to become an excuse for complacency breeding selfishness and thoughtlessness. From my extensive studies, men don't respond very well to those traits; however, give them a dose of kindness and suddenly you're a princess who does everything right! ;)

34. You could complain or you could swallow that complaint. The choice is yours.

35. Not being honest about your feelings is a lie. Period.

36. Dalton is genuinely impressed and happy when I give myself over to my "creative juices." His support for my little creations and writing has been such a blessing!

37. Strep throat can be incredibly costly

38. Sleeping during the night is far better than sleeping in the day. When we were first married, D worked the morning shift (11 pm - 7 am). It was a fun adventure, but we were sure glad when he was able to get a swing shift instead (1 pm - 9 pm). We loved not having to sleep in the daytime!    

39. Keeping house is a lot of fun ... especially after you get into the swing of things

40. A good man will eat a lot of icky meals (including leftovers!)

41. Friendly neighbors are a real blessing

42. Lovemaking is so much better than what you thought it would be as a single person

43. Pursuing a relationship with your in-laws (or in-loves as I like to say!) is super important and super rewarding

44. Pregnancy tests are super expensive

45. And getting a negative reading can be devastating

46. Bacon is a financial treat you should partake in once in a while

47. Praying together every day is a investment for eternity and well worth the time

48. Saying "I'm sorry; do you forgive me?" is one of the greatest phrases of all time and a great healer. Use it often.

49. Contentment is a choice ... even after you have everything you ever wanted (a husband who loves you, a home of your own ...) you'll still have to choose to be content.

50. Being married to you best friend is the best thing that could ever happen. He will hold you when you cry, laugh when you laugh, and bless your every moment.

51. Marriage (and all that comes with it) will affect your hormones and you'll feel a little "out of control" for a while. It's okay and I'm pretty convinced it happens to us all. Give yourself grace, plenty of rest, and good, nutrient rich meals and you'll survive. :)

52. God will never fail to meet His children's needs. I have learned this over and over again this year -- our God is good and loving!

53. Finding an apartment with a good landlord and without any broken windows is a huge blessing

54. Not eating sugar/wheat really does make me feel better

55. A man who points you to Christ, encourages you to look up, and prays for you is worth the world and rare

I really couldn't be any happier than I am right now. Dalton and I are so blessed -- we've learned a lot since we said "I do" last year on March 7th. We've stumbled, bickered and felt lost. But we have grown, bonded, and found hope in God's leading. I know we wouldn't trade what we have for the world.

Happy anniversary, D! May we have 70 more!

Were there any points you could relate with or that surprised you? Feel free to bring up your thoughts!!

With love, coffee, and a one year old marriage!

 

How to Make a Date out of $8 | Hyvee Magic

 

Around here, budgeting is a big deal and something my husband is *really good at.* We set aside money for fixed expenses including utilities, tithe, rent, gas, food and odds-and-ends. Budgeting was a little tricky in the beginning, but for the most part, we've learned what we need and how much money should go into each "area." We then save what is leftover.

 

Sometimes the end of the month can be really tight so when we discovered an extra $40 left in the gas budget (thank you $1.78 gas prices!) we knew we could have a little fun. First, we put $20 away for end-of-the-month emergencies (things like a low gas tank or unexpected necessaries) and decided to spend $20 on something fun. :) The first $12 went to lunch at a local eatery and the remaining $8 was split evenly between us ... and we went for a "spree" in the Hyvee grocery store. :)

 

Now, if you've never been to Hyvee let me have the honor of introducing you.

 

It's a place where fairies are born and every possible ounce of goodness is manufactured and wrapped in the fairest packaging. I'm fairly certain happy hobbits stock the cheese shelves themselves ... of course, they use ladders because the shelves are tall and lined with every kind of cheese. And my! I can't tell you how lovely the bakery is -- bagels, doughnuts, freshly baked bread and every delicious pastry sits behind glass covered cases. I'm convinced the very best baker of all the bakers found his way into the kitchen of Jefferson City's Hyvee.

 

Which is funny when I tell you who the "Muffin Man" is ... did you catch my nursery rhyme? 

 

The kind man who waited on us was a mustached gentleman named Guy who has worked in the bakery for thirty years.

 

And this tall, mustached, jolly man who has baked for thirty-years is pretty magical in my opinion.

 

We walked about for an hour deciding how to spend our fortune. Dalton was attempting to choose between a slab of meat from the butcher, a special protein drink or a deliciously large grapefruit. I was struggling over a $3 African Violet or visiting Guy and his bakery.

 

 

Needless to say, Dalton settled on $4 worth of thick-sliced bacon and I decided on a $1 crème horn, a $1.50 specialty brownie, and a $1.50 salted caramel mini cupcake.

 

Satisfied with our spree, we journeyed home. The cupcake was thoroughly enjoyed between us (and a fresh cup of coffee!). Bacon has been on the breakfast menu all week. 

And that, my dears, is one way to make a date out of $8. It really doesn't cost a lot to make memories and have fun with your spouse -- even if you haven't got $8 to your name, enjoy strolling your favorite grocery store, country lane or downtown park. :)

Have you ever been excited over a little bit of money? How did you spend it? Or, maybe you have a really good (and cheap!) date idea. I'd love to hear all about it!

With love and a yummy crème horn!

 

Submission + Freedom Go Hand-in-Hand

photo credit  ♥

photo credit  ♥

"Submission leads to the awareness that happiness should not be based on whether we get our way."

Richard Foster, Celebration of Discipline

 

Happy is the woman who treasures what God treasures. As I strive to be a Proverbs 31 woman I am challenged to (truly) believe that submission is a beautiful trait God values. It isn't the crushing, negative loss we're led to believe ... it is the "freedom from the need to always get my way." And, sweets, isn't it nice to know that we are free to not always have our way? I don't know about you, but I have ruined enough days battling for what I want.

 

So here's to submission: may we see the beauty, radiance, and freedom this God-treasured trait grants. And may sunshine and love fill your hearts today.

 

 

8 Surefire Ways to Love Your Mate this Holiday Season

Christmas is such a special time but often the joy and simplicity of rejoicing over the Lord Jesus' birth can be frantically forgotten when busy schedules and overwhelmed spirits clog our minds. Being newly wed, I am learning how important it is to purposefully connect with my husband amongst the busyness that accompanies the wintry, festive days of Christmas. Here are eight ways I've discovered to love your mate during the holiday season -- I hope these ideas can inspire all, fire-up busy, holiday-happy wives, and encourage my single sisters as well!

1. Do something special

    I have found that loving my husband can be as easy (and sweet!) as remembering to keep our lives special. Does he take a lunch to work? Maybe tuck a holiday-themed love note next to his bologna and pickle. Perhaps your beloved is working late hours into the cold evening? He may enjoy coming home to a warm, favorite meal of his. There are so many ways you can purposefully remind your love that he is special and that you appreciate him!

2. Communicate

    We all know that communication is key for a happy, peaceful marriage; but, how much more when the holiday season has you both running in all directions? Lately, we have had to communicate (and re-communicate) our expectations, hopes, and plans for visiting family over the next few weeks, how to manage our budget, my starting a college class/finishing my associates degree, ending a part-time job (and how to go about it), a friend's out of town wedding, and how to make the most of my sister's flying from Arizona without being away from home for two weeks straight (that is a hard one!). Communicating with your spouse your hopes and desires and listening to theirs is a surefire way of making them feel loved and wanted -- even in the midst of a busy schedule!

    Also, it is really important to communicate with family and friends too! There is nothing like bringing a can of cranberry sauce to the New Year's Eve party when you were supposed to bring two casseroles and pie. Be honest and open about expectations and you'll be sure to avoid silly misunderstandings!
    
3. Date him

    Dating you're hubby is an incredibly fun and easy way to stay connected this holiday. If the holidays are making your budget tight opt out of over-spending and purpose to be with each other in other ways. My husband and I love to go grocery shopping together ... we normally make a day of it by hanging out at his favorite video store and then browsing the beautiful aisles of Hobby Lobby, making my crafting-heart rejoice! I know one couple who have made it their habit to go for coffee and dessert. Button up and go for a walk, listening to each other's hopes and dreams for the future. Finally, don't forget how fun a Star Wars marathon and freshly popped popcorn can be.

4. Be kind

    It seems elementary but being kind is important and easily forgotten (at least by this goal-driven, sometimes moody, first born ;). Complement him. Refuse to nag over unfinished projects. Don't run him over just because your mom is coming over and you want everything perfect. Practice unconditional respect and forgiveness. Most of all, bless him with you're kind, loving, consistent smile and mood ... he will appreciate and notice it!

5. Do not assume the worst

    Remembering that love thinks no evil is an incredible way of loving your mate this season. It can be so easy to assume the worst of your spouse and let negative thoughts gain ground ... especially when the holiday festivities tend to add stress to all-ready crowded days. I really struggle with this. Thoughts like:

What did he mean when he said that?

What does he think of me?

He doesn't seem to be in love with my idea so he must hate it and I hate that he gets to be the boss and why can't I make my own decisions!

(see how quickly assuming the worst can develop into a hard, unloving, untrusting attitude?)

Yikes! Instead of ripping the poor, unsuspecting man's head off, learn to put a stop to the negative, assuming thoughts.  I've noticed that men (particularly my man) say what they mean and mean what they say. They don't play word games.

Plus there is nothing wrong with asking "What exactly did you mean by _____?" nor is it bad to sweetly say, "Babe, I don't think you meant to hurt my feelings but when you said _____ I felt really hurt." :) Communication is key, remember?

6. Pray together

   The couple that prays together stays together -- especially during the holiday season. Praying with your husband is a surefire way of reconnecting your two busy souls into one likeminded blend. It is a precious time when you set aside the stresses of life and look to your Heavenly Father as one. It is a time for rejoicing and practicing thankfulness. A time to lift worries and needs before the throne. Most of all, it is a time of unifying your hearts and reminding yourselves that together you are heirs of the grace of life.

7. Laugh

    Remembering to step back from the busyness of life and laugh can be a strong way of loving your mate! In the midst of tight budgets, traveling to see family, deciding on which (multiple) church/school functions to attend, and the normal day-to-day activities that battle for your attention it is easy to forget to laugh together. But taking a moment to laugh together is a fun, cheap, easy way to remember the important things in life. So go ahead -- have that pillow fight, reminisce over your first Christmas and the cute, albeit, bare Charlie Brown tree you shared in the crowded apartment, and smash the sugar cookie into his adorable face. Because, let's face it. If you aren't having fun together then all the busyness and stress isn't worth it. :)

8. Step back

    Finally, one last, surefire way of loving your mate this holiday season is to simply step back from it all. Depending on your season of life you might not be able to make it to every get-together, every musical, and every gift-wrapping fananza. And that's okay. There is no medal given out for having the busiest schedule. There is, however, many golden moments which result from simply stepping back from some of the busyness and focusing on you, your spouse, your family and, most importantly, remembering the Reason for the season.

There you have it! Eight surefire ways of purposefully loving your mate this Christmas season! What are some ways you purposefully connect with your spouse? I'd love to hear your thoughts!

Love always!

   
 

A Photo Gallery and a New Home

Hello, dearies!

Yes, that's right -- we've left our bungalow for a one mile trek across town and a two room rental that nests at the end of a street. Brown walls and creamy white trim have been making Dalton and I feel warm and comfortable in this new space. There are no leaky sinks, no leaky roofs, and no leaky sewage pipes -- blessings indeed! Though we loved our last place, our honeymoon home, it is so nice to have a dependable landlord and the knowledge that, unless the Lord moves us, we can plan on settling in.

So without further ado, (and because I'm about to put my feet up, turn the Disney music up, and drink my coffee up) show yourself around!

Our living room is so spacious! Perfect for guests and (maybe one day) babies to wonder around in. There is so much room in comparison to our last rental that we are able to enjoy ample seating space -- both couches and ottoman fit nicely! 

 
Of course you want to see the toilet room -- don'cha? This bathroom is such a treat to Dalton and I -- the walls are not crumbling and the vanity isn't moldy -- two aspects we were happy to leave behind and there is plenty of space for us both to get ready. Although, I do miss the "closeness" our tiny bathroom seemed two bring. ;)

The bedrooms are very roomy and we're loving the carpet! These shots are of our room ... isn't that closet dreamy? The little signs hanging from the closet say good night -- the prefect touch of shabby/rustic/romantic. (Can you spot the creeper? ;)

 

 

I know what you're really thinking ... "Very nice, Frannie. But where do I sleep when I come to visit?" (Because ya'll know you're cordially invited if ever you happen to be scadaddling through Jefferson City.)

 

Well, sweet friend, there is no where for you to rest -- at least not now. The spare bedroom (which I am so loving!) is currently overflowing with crafting materials/innumerable sets of glass dishware (from our generous wedding guests)/work out equipment. However, it is my goal to have this room tidied and ready for happy, visiting souls by tomorrow. :)

 



As you tour the last bit of our happy home you'll find yourself in the kitchen -- and what a fun place to be in! I am loving the fresh cupboards, the pretty counter top, and the deep sink ready for washing dishes. I must confess that I do miss (very much) the lovely cabinets my beloved painted in our previous rental. They were beautiful labors of love! All in all, I am very much enjoying my updated kitchen -- I cannot wait to have family and friends over for coffee made in this very room.

We are still so overcome with awe at our living in this home -- our last place, though very dear, had become a sort of burden with the many maintenance issues and our landlords lack of dependability. We are so honored and praise God for sending us on in His way and timing! Thank you, Lord!

With love to you all!

 

Coffee with my Lord | Starting Up

There is nothing better than a clean, joyful, loving relationship with Jehovah God. And early mornings and hot coffee and good friends -- wonderful blessings I enjoy. And that is why I am beginning a new (and hopefully consistent) series on Of Mess and Glory. I want to share what the LORD is doing in my life (and hopefully hear what He is doing in yours too!).

Lately, the Lord has been gently spanking me; chastening me into a closer walk with Him. His word says in Hebrews 12,

" ... My son, despise not thou the chastening of the Lord, nor faint when thou art rebuked of him: for whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth, and scourgeth every son whom he receiveth."

Having grown up in a home where Mr. Spanky (the household spanking rod) was a regular, well known member, I know that spanking hurts. But nothing aches more than an uncleared, sin-filled conscience; nothing is heavier than a heart burdened with sin; nothing destroys more than a lack of justice.

Thankfully, our Abba Daddy always pursues us. He faithfully chastens our proud and stubborn hearts desiring that we allow His proddings to lead us to repentance and freedom.

Last night, as Dalton and I watched a movie about Cain and Abel, we marveled at a new thought for us. After murdering Abel, Cain was rightfully punished for his sin; yet, God still showered mercy upon him by placing a marking upon him and promising to avenge him if ever another man killed him. Even in sin, God maintained a relationship with Cain. It was Cain who left the presence of the Lord. Sin requires a punishment ... it always has and always will. But, in His tremendous mercy, God has met the requirement of our sin -- through the death of Jesus Christ. Justice was met. My punishment has been given ... to Someone else who willingly stood in my place.

I am so thankful that I can repent of sins and be forgiven ... because God mercifully and justly provided a sacrifice for me. I am also thankful for God's chastening hand -- even though it often hurts, His faithful proddings sow seeds of revival and repentance in my heart.

So, dear friends, how has God been leading in your life? What new lessons have you been taught? I would love to hear your thoughts!

Hoping your coffee is good and your heart at peace,

  

Why I Never Get Bored

Growing up we were never allowed to be bored. If ever my siblings and I happened to utter that terrible word our mother was quick to offer her usual phrase of inspiration:

Don't tell me you're bored or I'll let you wash the dishes!

You can now see why we always found some way to entertain ourselves.

Thankfully,  now that I'm a grown adult and no longer live with my mom and her inspiring threats, I still have an anti-bored weapon. His name is Dalton Duncan.

Yes, married life often provides me with great (sometimes embarrassing) entertainment. Here are a few of my knight-in-shining-armor's shining moments:

1) Once, upon finding several adorable mushrooms my husband insisted I take pictures of him pretending to be using an umbrella.

2) Date days often involve some kind of fun, creative plan of his (he really is the more creative one in the bunch). Like the time he sent me on a huge scavenger hunt or that awesome day when we secretly drove to our parent's homes and gave them a good surprise.

3) Dalton hates getting his picture taken; actually, he hates cameras in general. He thinks they are over-used and take away from the moment ... two legitimate reasons. Nevertheless, I insist that we must gather some sort of proof that we are in fact married and having the time of our lives for the Facebook world. So, to accommodate both of our desperate pleas we've found a satisfying middle ground. I get to take pictures if  A) I tell him first B) he is doing some sort of pose.

Here's the proof:

Here he felt it appropriate to mock the "Men Working" sign

Interpretive dance with hot-mits

He thought getting a whole loaf from Panera was an amazing feat

4) Scene: Sitting on the couch enjoying a good conversation, Dalton leans over as if to kiss his bride ...

Me: *Yelling!* "Dalton, stop sucking on my nose!"
Dalton: "Hehehehehe ..."

5) I think Dalton is convinced that whenever a male applies shaving cream to his face his wife also should be covered in like manner.

6) Scene: My mom, Dalton, and I are finishing a nice, meaningful conversation in the dining room. Dalton rises, plays around with his Ipad, and then sits on the floor looking as if he is meaning to do some leg stretches. We look. He stretches out his legs like a grasshopper and rubs them together while his Ipad plays cricket sounds in the background.

XD

7) Upon finding stray turtles on the street Dalton likes to offer bits of lettuce to the newcomer:

8) Scene: Enjoying a conversation with guests in the living room. A momentary silence.

Dalton: "Do you see those two owls on the bookshelf?"
Guests: Nod with interest
Dalton" "I carved those out of the prison soap." Grins with happy jubilance.

(Dalton has a love for mixing up conversation ... he feels that the world spends too of its time talking about normal, empty things and believes that one of his missions in life is to liven and stir people up in good, fun ways. It makes me smile.)

9) On early mornings when Dalton is already up he will very gently carry me to the living room couch, gather my pillow and blanket, snuggle me in and proceeds with his activities. It's a special, fun, unique way to sleep in. :)

10) Scene: Dalton's mother's hair salon. Telephone rings. Dalton rises to answer the phone:

Dalton: "Dalton's House of Ecstasy, Dalton speaking."
Me: *Face palm and extreme blush* "Dalton!"

I am so thankful for my funny, original man. His extreme, unique personality has often astonished my shy, safe personality ... needless to say, I've blushed and sputtered more in the last year than in most of my life! But I can say I have been better for it!

What crazy/funny things do your family members do? Or maybe you're the more original one in the family? I'd love to hear! 

p.s: This post was largely inspired by Rachel from The Random Writings of Rachel. I have always found her Angelism posts to be hilarious and realized that, I too, have a few stories to tell. Why don'cha hope on over to her blog ... I know you'll love it!