Confession: I have an anger problem.
Wow.
I bet you didn't see that coming, did you?
But I type the truth. I have an anger problem.
And to tell the truth, it's humbling. Beneath this combed, primed and sweet complexion is a woman who still needs to grow; a woman who yearns for authenticity; a woman whose blood boils when she doesn't get her way and whose frustrations rise when she loses an argument or is criticized.
For as long as I can remember I have struggled with anger; not the fist throwing, wall punching, bad-word saying anger. But the quiet, teary-eyed, throat burning, heart thumping anger that is still as much a sin as the first.
And, for the first time in my life, I want to face it. I want to call sin sin and then I want to call upon my Savior Who died for the fits of temper and wrath which can fill my heart. I want to grow.
I've surprised you, haven't I?
It's okay; I don't doubt it.
You see, my whole life I have learned to push away my feelings, my anger, my hurt, my wishes so that others might only see what I wanted them to see. In 5th grade it was a matter of hiding my hurt when I wasn't chosen for the team or group project; at 25 it's a matter of hiding my feelings when my husband asks me how I am or a friend disagrees with my opinion. You'd never know that there was more to my cool-as-a-cucumber outlook ... until I blow-up in a angry torrent of temper and attack. (I save that for my poor husband and family ... those special few who know me enough to look beneath the constant sweetness.)
There's a lot I want to write on and even more I want to mature in; I want to be real, authentic. Most of all, I want to be full of virtue, character -- to have a heart that reflects our Father God's.
And the first step was acknowledging that I didn't have it all together; that I, Frannie Anne Duncan, have an anger problem.
Thankfully, God's Word has a lot to say about this.
Wow.
I bet you didn't see that coming, did you?
But I type the truth. I have an anger problem.
And to tell the truth, it's humbling. Beneath this combed, primed and sweet complexion is a woman who still needs to grow; a woman who yearns for authenticity; a woman whose blood boils when she doesn't get her way and whose frustrations rise when she loses an argument or is criticized.
For as long as I can remember I have struggled with anger; not the fist throwing, wall punching, bad-word saying anger. But the quiet, teary-eyed, throat burning, heart thumping anger that is still as much a sin as the first.
And, for the first time in my life, I want to face it. I want to call sin sin and then I want to call upon my Savior Who died for the fits of temper and wrath which can fill my heart. I want to grow.
I've surprised you, haven't I?
It's okay; I don't doubt it.
You see, my whole life I have learned to push away my feelings, my anger, my hurt, my wishes so that others might only see what I wanted them to see. In 5th grade it was a matter of hiding my hurt when I wasn't chosen for the team or group project; at 25 it's a matter of hiding my feelings when my husband asks me how I am or a friend disagrees with my opinion. You'd never know that there was more to my cool-as-a-cucumber outlook ... until I blow-up in a angry torrent of temper and attack. (I save that for my poor husband and family ... those special few who know me enough to look beneath the constant sweetness.)
There's a lot I want to write on and even more I want to mature in; I want to be real, authentic. Most of all, I want to be full of virtue, character -- to have a heart that reflects our Father God's.
And the first step was acknowledging that I didn't have it all together; that I, Frannie Anne Duncan, have an anger problem.
Thankfully, God's Word has a lot to say about this.
Thankfully, for me and all my fiery-tempered sisters and brothers out there, God never calls us to be or do what He will not equip us to be or do. That gives me hope. I can truly be tenderhearted and I can forgive. We can put away bitterness and evil speaking and anger.
What about you? Have you struggled with anger in your life (even if it's itsy bitsy?). How did you overcome?
With love, coffee and a rejoicing spirit,
It's like you are describing me Frannie!
ReplyDeleteAnger has always been an issue for me. And like yours, it's the silent kind. Until I explode with my husband and family...
But GOD is so good! And HE is willing, and so able to help us overcome this sin. What a joy and hope that is. :)
Thank-you for your authenticity my friend! It is an encouragement to my heart, to know that I'm not the only one who deals with this issue. :)
Angel
I love that we can relate! Thank you for sharing ... I cannot tell you how encouraging it is to me to know I am not alone. But more then anything, I am encouraged by the love of God which can remove anger! :) (Or at least our letting it get out of control!)
DeleteThank you for your honesty dear! Don't we serve an amazing God? One who frees us and gives us power to overcome!
ReplyDeleteYes, Charis, we certainly do serve an amazing God!
DeleteThank you for your love and encouragement!
I appreciate you!
I occasionally get very angry too, but not usually in the quiet way that you describe, more like in the throw something across the room or bang stuff around, in the yelling kind of way. Shameful, but there it is. I have not fully overcome it, but I know that God is merciful to me when I confess my anger, but it does humble me to know how much I need a Savior.
ReplyDeleteOh, Heather, I'm so glad we are kindred in spirit (in more ways then one). I so appreciate your honesty -- it is a **really ** difficult thing to own something as ugly as anger. But it is equally amazing to know we have a Savior Who does amazing things through us.
DeleteI will be praying for you whenever I think of it ... that you would not struggle with the shame but rejoice in the beauty of your forgiveness and freedom!! (And for you not to lose your temper. Hahaha, two days ago I got angry .... I had to erase the "So many days without incident" board. ;)
Love and blessings to you!