How to Get Your Husband To Eat His Vegetables + Other Fables

I'm a lot of things to my husband -- a friend, comrade, keeper, lover, helpmate, playmate, encourager. 

But I'm not his mother.

I'm a first-born, mother-hen, protector personality -- the kind of woman who will ask you if your feeling alright 20 times in a minute, iron your shirt, make your favorite cookies, ask you if the temperature of the room is suitable and hover over you ensuring that your water is filled and your heart content.

I've been told it's stifling. 

I am not my husband's mother -- somehow he managed to live without someone reminding him to brush his teeth, eat his vegetables and put his shoes away before I came into his life. (He keeps assuring me that he can still do those things without oversight.) Somehow he figured out how to apply for jobs, adjust the thermostat and greet people without my tutelage ... and to be honest, I was kind of shocked.

I've  always had someone to remind how to behave; I've always had some amount of control and involvement with those younger then me. So, when my husband ordered me to stop mothering him reminded me that he was perfectly capable, I was confused, hurt and put out. I had only meant to be a helpmeet. Didn't he prefer a helpful wife over a lazy one?

I think I puffed and huffed and declared that he couldn't change me; that he should be thankful for such a helpful, sweet, willing wife.

(Hahaha, I hope Debi Pearl doesn't come after me with a spanking stick and a copy of Created to Be His Helpmeet for that statement ... actually, I do. Mine is wearing out.)

There really isn't a conclusion to this silly post other then to say that I am still learning.

I am learning to be the kind of woman my husband wants and not the kind of woman I thinks he needs. I'm finding he has no problem asking for aid when he needs it and that I need not hover over him. I'm discovering freedom in not having to be involved in his every movement and I am enjoying not being in control. It's fun watching him be himself without me critiquing and advising his every decision. Above all, I am learning to respect my husband enough to trust him. He is capable, he is wise and he is able.

Of course, I do remind him to eat his salad greens because that's simply good fun and it gets us laughing. ;]

Question: Are you a mother-hen? Or, are you one who despises mothering? Whoever you are leave a comment ... I love learning more from you!!

With lots of love, blessings and sunshine,

How to Be Okay When You Have Adult Acne

Sometimes life feels really hard.

Like --  I can't wear my favorite dress today because its obvs that those lattes' don't vanish into air -- hard.

Or -- my adult acne is begging for me to cover my face in a medieval veil -- hard.
 Seriously, zit. You're the size of a baby's nose and make my chin look like it was lonely and grew a twin.

One chin is enough; can I get an amen?

Yes, sometimes life feels really hard and sometimes it can make us feel ugly. Ugly, insecure and afraid.

How can we succeed at life when we can't even look in the mirror without groaning? How do we accomplish dreams when we feel like the universe is against us?

First,

step back and give thanks.

Life seems harder then it is when we forget to be thankful. Did you wake up today? Did you happen to have breakfast, lunch and dinner? Did you have someone who cared enough to ask how your day was? Those are blessings; practice thankfulness and acknowledge that your life really isn't as bad as it feels.

Secondly,

remember who you are.

If you're a human being then you are a miracle (if you're not human then we've got to chat!). You might not feel like a miracle but you are. Your heart beats without manual pump-age, your eyes take in morning sunrises and your fingerprints are unique. You might be having a hard day and you probably don't feel beautiful but you are breathtakingly made.

Finally,

do the hard thing and move on.

It's a hard thing to accept acne, frizzy hair and poundage or skinnyism (take your pick; we all think we suffer from one or the other). But there is power in acknowledging that yes, I look ugly today, but I'm not going to let that affect my day. You find freedom when you can say to the mirror, "I choose to happy today with myself." There is happiness when you can let go of your fear and insecurities and just be you.

So next time you suffer from adult acne and want to hide under your covers and eat chocolate all day, don't. Give thanks, remember Who made you and move on; choose joy and focus on making others see the beauty this world holds.

And you'll realize that your day isn't really as hard as it seems.

Learning How to Be Flexible in Marriage

One of the lessons marriage is teaching me is the importance of being flexible.

 

A few weeks ago, my darling man's work schedule changed. And we were/are thrilled! Instead of working 1 pm to 9 pm my hardworking man works from 9 am - 7 pm. Yes, he did get more hours in a day but instead of two days off he now has three! How wonderful! Not only are we blessed with an extra day off but he gets home much earlier than he used to -- perfect for having friends over or enjoying an evening out together.

 

And yet, despite the goodness of this change, I find my rigid, stick-to-the-schedule personality being stretched a bit. For nearly a year I had grown accustom to Dalton only having two days off and spending his mornings at home. Now, our mornings are a little busier than normal, the time of his absence longer and the workweek shorter.

 

At first I noticed that I was feeling a little uptight -- why should I be feeling stressed over these good changes?

 

I'm sure you too can relate. Perhaps your husband's schedule changed as well or maybe he lost his job and spends most of his hours at home with you and the babies? Maybe he has volunteered and is needed elsewhere?

 

I simply want to encourage you, dear one, to embrace the change. Embrace the challenges and joys life gives and, above all, practice being flexible. For many of us, it is easy to become stressed and weirded-out over changes  (even the good ones!). When that stress comes at you remember these three things:

 

 

Remember that God is uses these changes for good, that change is a natural part of life and that when you feel out-of-the-loop and a little stressed that God understands and invites you to His throne of grace.

 

Oh, and one last thing.

 

Choose joy.

 

Choose to accept the change in your schedule.

 

And choose to love those in your home.

 

With lots of love!

 



Joyfilled Easter + Me // Coffee Series

Hello, lovelies!!

 

Open your windows, pull up a chair and rejoice with me over a cup o' coffee -- our Lord is so merciful! I rejoice in His great kindness! Easter was only a few weeks ago but I am still reflecting on it.

 

This year Easter was different for me.

 

For as long as I can remember my Easters as a Christian have been marked with shame and sorrow. In preparation for the holiday I spent days remembering how my sinful self drove Jesus to His cross; I let the holiday become a reminder of sin and shame instead of a reminder of the victory I have in Jesus.

 

This year I dared to think differently.

 

I chose to rejoice, to sing.

 

 

Instead of weeping over past sins I chose to believe in the peace God's redemption guarantees.

 

 

Rather than focus on personal holiness I remembered that

 

Of course, I believe that there is a time to remember why Jesus came to the cross; to reflect on His work in our lives. But I am convinced that God is more glorified by a rejoicing, thankful spirit rather than a sorrowful soul.

 

And the amazing thing is that my Easter was lovely. I was away from family, had a darling husband who worked, alone in my little home.

 

But I was so glad -- Jesus has saved me and I am redeemed -- why shouldn't I rejoice?

 

It has taken me a long time to get to this point; some days I discover I've jumped back into the mud of despondency and sorrow. But Jesus carries me through and for that I will rejoice.

 

What blessings have you discovered lately?

 

With love, blessings and raspberry tea,

Joy in the Waiting // Baby Love Part 3

// photo credit //

 

It's a snowy, gray day in March. A day made for inside activities, cocoa and good conversation.

 

But there's something missing.

 

Or rather, someone.

Sweet reader, you've walked through my inner thoughts and learned about my love-hate relationship with children (hehehe .... that sounds so intense) and then discovered the beautiful (in progress) work God has done in my heart -- I no longer fear having babies and instead find a growing desire for them. To finish our series I want to write a little on what happens when you want a baby but it seems to not happen.

 

That someone missing is a little squirming bundle, a happy toddler making messes, cluttering the apartment with wipes and toys and a hundred pacifiers. A child of our own.  

 

From my perspective waiting on anything is hard. We want to grow up, marry, keep our own homes, become missionaries, have babies ... contentment is a hard thing especially when we are waiting for something good. We cannot imagine that there could be joy in the waiting.

 

All my life I have struggled with anger, frustration, sorrow and discontent when it seemed God was saying, "Not yet, dear one. Wait on my timing. And in the mean time, find joy."

 

It was and has been very difficult.

 

But, praise God, it is possible.

Over the course of my twenty-five year long lifetime I've unearthed a few ways to practice contentment; simple steps to finding joy in the waiting:

1. Realize that it is okay (and normal) to be struggling.

 

This. Is. Huge.

 

The first step to contentment, I've found, is realizing that it is okay to hurt, want and ache. If it is a good thing (marriage, children, using your likes and talents to save the world ;) then it's okay to want it. You are not bad for desiring a good thing. After you've realized that it is okay to struggle remember that ...

 

2. God is enough in the meantime.

 

(This is also huge ;)

 

When we forget that our relationship with Jesus is more then enough we become shipwrecked on an island of self pity, anger, jealousy and a nonstop struggle to get what we want.

 

I've been there. Countless times. And, friend, it is no picnic being stuck in such a terrible place.

 

If you find yourself forgetting that God is more then enough take a step back. Practice thankfulness. Thank God for your life, the sun outside, the clothes on your back. Bless you parents. Bless your spouse. Bless anyone and everyone. Being thankful is the key to remembering that God is more then enough. And when you've remembered that you really can be happy without getting what you want ...

 

3. Pray and prepare.  

 

Ask God for your heart's desire; ask in faith and with courage. The Bible tells us to do this!

 

And, while you pray, prepare.

 

Do you want to be married? Discover what makes an excellent wife and study that. Do you want to be a mother? Learn about childbirth, medicine and observe other awesome moms. Do you want to go to college or step out on the mission field? Prepare yourself by serving in your local area; study, learn, grow. Don't fool yourself into wasting the time God has given you; if He has given it then it is for your good.

 

Once you have remembered that it is okay to hurt, that Jesus is more then enough, and to pray and prepare you will discover joy in the waiting.

 

It isn't easy (and does not always feel good) but choosing contentment over frustration will prove to be a blessing every time.

 

 

Question: What have you been waiting for? Have you discovered any beautiful blessings while you wait?

 

With lots of love, blessings and snowflakes!

How God (Totally) Changed My View // Baby Series Part 2

(Aren't my nephews as cute as pie and just as eatable?)

 

I'm a woman of many contradictions.

One of the most difficult contradictions I have experienced is my great desire for (and also fear of) having children.

When we didn't get pregnant within the first six months of our marriage I panicked. "What if we cannot conceive?" "What if I am never able to give my dear husband a baby of his own?" (Dalton loves children! :)

Then there were moments when I thought we could be pregnant; when all the signs and symptoms told me to invest in a test and begin planning. I panicked during those moments too. "What if I'm not a good mom?" "What if I'm not ready?" "What if I like my life too much as it is?"

I was ashamed of my feelings. I wanted to be pregnant yet when the possibility was there I was terrorized. Thankfully, the Lord has worked (and continues to work) miracles in my heart. He has also given me grace to learn why I was afraid. Below, I have written three reason for my hesitancy towards having children; maybe one of you can relate?

 I was afraid of being pregnant because I had never taken the time to decide if I really wanted children. Children are blessings, gifts from our Heavenly Father, and they should be desired and thanked for! But as a Christian, conservative woman I had allowed myself to believe that having children was the godly thing to do -- mere duty instead of privilege. I had allowed my false belief to taint the way I viewed children; if babies are merely expected jobs then joy is lost. It was only after I was married and faced with the possibility of pregnancy that I began to see that I did in fact want children. I wanted them not because it was expected or the godly thing to do ... I wanted them because they were true blessings!

I was afraid because I was selfish. When I find more happiness in controlling an environment than enjoying/blessing the people within the environment I am being selfish. When I let myself get angry over a messy room and forget that these little people are people I am being selfish. When I love my life more than having someone new to share my life with I am being selfish. I was afraid of having children because children are a big commitment! :D I had to come face to face with my selfishness and call it for what it was ... sin.

Finally, I was afraid because I was uninformed. This was really important for me to realize. I was afraid because I was afraid! :) For some reason, I knew nothing about birth (and watching one show of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant" on TLC did not help the matter ... talk about freaky!). I was afraid of the pain, the weight gain and the body changes which often accompany pregnancy. I was afraid of the natural (and beautiful) process of birth. I was afraid of pregnancy because I was uneducated.

Since then, I've been reading about childbirth, natural labor and all that is involved. I was blessed to be apart of my sister's delivery. As I learned, the fear and anxiety magically began to drift away. I am still learning and so thankful to know that God will keep working in my life! :)

Have you ever struggled with the thought of having children? Or maybe you are one of those strangely awesome ladies who have that part of life all figured out? No matter who you are, do leave your comments. I'd love to learn from you!

With love, coffee and sunshine,

// p.s. check out this link for the final post in the baby love series! //

 

Awfully, Painfully, Terribly Awkward // Baby Series Part 1

// photo credit //

 

I have a love-hate relationship with children.

I love the idea of children, the joy they radiate and the feelings of motherliness I get when I tend to them.

But I struggle with the real deal, the in-your-face with peanut butter and jelly stains, rambunctious and sometimes naughty reality of children.

p.s. I'm laughing as I write this article. Just so you know, I don't hate children (at all). But I am terribly, awfully, painfully awkward around them ... let's proceed with examples.

Growing up, my sister and I babysat as a team. Allie was the fun, game playing, diaper changing, order-keeping sister. And while she kept the children at bay I enjoyed cleaning the house. Having inherited my dad's fear of holding small, plushy babies I didn't learn how to properly change a diaper until I was nineteen and hired at a daycare. (Can you imagined my boss' thoughts when she learned her employee didn't even know how to change a diaper!? HA!) At twenty-five I battle being irritated with the quirks of students.

Some women seem to love everything about children ... I get cranky after one hour of babysitting.

My mom encourages me that it will be different when I have my own children. And while I am grateful for the encouragement I can't but wonder what I can do to change. How can I learn to thoroughly enjoy children, to discover the joy in the mess? How do I change a twenty-five year old habit when I'm serious minded and more prone to adult conversation than play?

Prayer and time.

I'm convinced that these alone will change my attitude. I don't want to just be tolerant -- I want to accept unreservedly.

Coming up, I will share how God has been changing my heart toward children. I'll also write a little something on the patience in waiting for a child. Both are relevant to my life today.

// Click here to head on to part two //

Question: Do you relate well with children? If not, how have you learned to overcome? I'd love to learn from you --  and laugh with you too!

With love, coffee and blessings!

              

 

p.s.s. My friend Angel wrote an excellent piece on this very topic so if you love children, want to learn to love children or love random wedding pictures do check her site out. :)

 

p.s.s.s. If you're reading this and I've babysat your children before ... please don't freak out thinking I hated watching your precious babies! Ha! Not true. Every child I have watched (and there have been many) are special bundles of personality that I love and appreciate and I look forward to watching in the future.  

 

He Has Triumphed (And You Should Too) // Coffee Series

 

Hello and happy Friday to you!

Today is the perfect day for giving yourself a fresh reminder of God's great love and sovereign care -- grab yourself a mug of goodness and join me in something special.

For some of us Christians sin is a word that plagues us, weighing us down in depression and shame. I am a believer and follower of Jesus Christ yet I still struggle with trusting in His forgiveness of my sins. It's not that I don't believe in His forgiveness ... it's that I don't feel it. Instead of feeling, trusting and rejoicing in God's forgiveness I feel shame, regret and sorrow.

And I don't think that's how God intends for His children to live.

I don't think God wants you to live that way.

Last Sunday our pastor shared some thoughts I'd like to share ... I learned so much from his simple reminder.

God's grace is bigger, greater and more efficient than our shame and sin.

"And you, being dead in your trespasses and the uncircumcision of your flesh, He has made alive together with Him, having forgiven you all trespasses, having wiped out the handwriting of requirements that was against us, which was contrary to us. And He has taken it out of the way, having nailed it to the cross. Having disarmed principalities and powers, He made a public spectacle of them, triumphing over them in it."

If you are a believer and follower in Jesus Christ then you, my dear, can count on four (FOUR) wonderful things:

1. You have been made alive (meaning you are definitely not who you used to be ... dead ... a spiritual corpse ... of no ability to live ...)

2. He has forgiven your sins ... of that lie, gossip, pornography, affair, greed that you committed.

3. And then nailed that sin debt to the cross which held Jesus.

4. Finally, our Abba God disarmed Satan and the power sin has (the power to control, the power of shame ...) and, according to my thoughts, He danced in victory over them. Jesus was triumphant and you, dear one, are free to live!

Next time you feel overwhelmed by the shame of your past (confessed and forgiven) sins comfort yourself with the words of Colossians 2:13-15. Stop punishing yourself and start living in the freedom God's amazing grace offers.

 

I promise that God's grace will always be bigger, greater and more efficient then the past shame and sin you are reminded of.

 

You are loved, free and special,

Confessions + Me // Angry, Christian and Confessing

Confession: I have an anger problem.

Wow.

I bet you didn't see that coming, did you?

But I type the truth. I have an anger problem.

And to tell the truth, it's humbling. Beneath this combed, primed and sweet complexion is a woman who still needs to grow; a woman who yearns for authenticity; a woman whose blood boils when she doesn't get her way and whose frustrations rise when she loses an argument or is criticized.

For as long as I can remember I have struggled with anger; not the fist throwing, wall punching, bad-word saying anger. But the quiet, teary-eyed, throat burning, heart thumping anger that is still as much a sin as the first.

And, for the first time in my life, I want to face it. I want to call sin sin and then I want to call upon my Savior Who died for the fits of temper and wrath which can fill my heart. I want to grow.

I've surprised you, haven't I?

It's okay; I don't doubt it.

You see, my whole life I have learned to push away my feelings, my anger, my hurt, my wishes so that others might only see what I wanted them to see. In 5th grade it was a matter of hiding my hurt when I wasn't chosen for the team or group project; at 25 it's a matter of hiding my feelings when my husband asks me how I am or a friend disagrees with my opinion. You'd never know that there was more to my cool-as-a-cucumber outlook ... until I blow-up in a angry torrent of temper and attack. (I save that for my poor husband and family ... those special few who know me enough to look beneath the constant sweetness.)

There's a lot I want to write on and even more I want to mature in; I want to be real, authentic. Most of all, I want to be full of virtue, character -- to have a heart that reflects our Father God's.

And the first step was acknowledging that I didn't have it all together; that I, Frannie Anne Duncan, have an anger problem.

Thankfully, God's Word has a lot to say about this.

 

Thankfully, for me and all my fiery-tempered sisters and brothers out there, God never calls us to be or do what He will not equip us to be or do. That gives me hope. I can truly be tenderhearted and I can forgive. We can put away bitterness and evil speaking and anger.

 

What about you? Have you struggled with anger in your life (even if it's itsy bitsy?). How did you overcome?

 

With love, coffee and a rejoicing spirit,

Following God as Dear Children // Coffee Series

It's 9:30 am and glorious.

 

With birds singing, sun shining and a cup beside me I can't help but rejoice (even though I just dribbled coffee like a sprinkler down my dress and recliner ... woopsie!)

 

Above all the beauty and joy which I have described I am most thankful for the love of God. Often, I struggle with worry and fear; I introvert too much and spend days wondering if I am doing enough,  loving enough and following enough, if my walk with God is enough. Can you relate?

 

After weeks of fretting I began to ask God to work in me; to show me His love, to lead me away from any sin and to create in me a heart that loves Him. And while I feel that I'm not where I should be He has answered my prayers.

 

 

Being followers of Christ isn't about being good enough. For "Christ's sake, I am forgiven."

 

Loving the Heavenly Father isn't about following hard rules, strict obedience and bowing down to a wrathful judge (although obedience and justice is involved). It's about "walking in love, as Christ loved us."  

 

We're called to be followers of God, as dear children. A long time ago, I wrote a little piece on the definition of the word dearheart. As I look over it I see the phrase, "Highly valued; greatly beloved; cherished; precious." Following God isn't about following hard rules; it's about following Him as highly valued, greatly beloved children. If you are a follower of Christ, you are cherished, precious and your Heavenly Father will equip you to follow His ways fully and in love.

 

And that is the greatest reason for being happy today. The springtime weather, fresh coffee and singing birds are lovely, but having a God Who has forgiven me fully, loves me as a dear child and equips me to follow Him is why I sing today.

 

What lessons have you been learning lately? Do you ever struggle with introspective thoughts and have you found freedom in looking to Christ? I would love to learn from my fellow sisters and brothers in Christ. :)

 

With love, blessings and an (empty!) mug of coffee,

Ordinary, Simple Love

 

This.

This devotional is key to life and life abundantly.

I know it's long, sweet one, but if you have the time you must read. Did you know that you can offer gifts to our King of Kings? Did you know that He delights in our offerings?

Whatever season of life you are in I encourage you to offer gifts of love to your Heavenly Father. If you're too busy to read this post because you've got a million assignments due and haven't slept in a long time because college is demanding you can offer a gift of love. If you're newly married and busy with settling your home and tending to other small tasks, offer Him a gift. If you're busy wiping peanut butter and jelly from your children's small faces, offer Him your gift. If you're sun-spotted beautiful and preparing to welcome grandchildren, offer Him your love.

You, sweet, wonderful one, have so much to offer Him.

It doesn't have to be big but it has to be done in love. It won't be noticed, praised or honored but it will bring a smile to the Maker of smiles.

And you will have life abundantly.

With love, smiles and an (empty) cup o' coffee,

 

Pregnancy Tests and Baby Blues

It can be a very personal subject and one I haven't known how to discuss. Pregnancy troubles. Or, more specifically, struggling to get pregnant. 

It's been a hard journey to be on and one I hesitate to share with others; I've only been married for ten months, have not dedicated myself to certain timing methods, and am very healthy and well. I've been afraid to share because we haven't visited a doctor or even bought prenatal vitamins -- but when you're as newly married, healthy and young as we are sometimes doctor visits don't seem appropriate yet.

But, regardless of the circumstances, it has been hard.

And I want to talk about it because I think it will help.

This past week I had been hope-filled and dreamy-eyed. I thought I was pregnant. Nearly every classic symptom of pregnancy appeared to be taking its course so, with a hop and a skip and a merry heart, I bought two pregnancy tests.

The boxes tell you not to read the test after ten minutes but my sister, who has a beautiful 5 month bouncing, baby boy, read a positive only after the set time limit. So I assumed it was okay. Ten minutes after the timeline, a faint positive became visible in the tiny, plastic circle and with the visibility my heart leapt. I had thought I was pregnant at 3 different times within our short marriage so I was used to disappointment. But this time was different. I had a teeny-tiny-faint positive.

And my heart secretly soared.

I waited till the end of the week to try the second test. Like the first, it came out negative; in an effort to move on from my sadness I busied myself with prayer and tidying our house. Twenty minutes later I returned to find that a huge, big blue positive line had appeared. I began to plan how I was going to tell my husband the special news and began to put baby names together.

And then the bleeding began. I told myself it was simply the implantation phase; the natural process of the fertilized egg nestling into its new home. Natural. Good. Expected.

After waking up to the beginning of a normal period, I spoiled the surprise, nervously dressed, held hands with my steady man while picking out three tests and headed home.

The reading?

Negative.

I felt so stupid. How could I convince myself that I was pregnant after two originally negative tests and traditional pms symptoms? How could I be crying over my naivety? How could God have let me believe that I was pregnant? With the sweetness and goodness of a true man, Dalton held me, encouraged me, blessed me, and reminded me that birth is in God's capable, good hands. Of course, I knew that; I had faith in God and His timing.

But then I realized something very important.

Faith isn't faith unless it can withstand the valleys, mountains, and struggles.

Remember the Israelites and their journey through the desert? Very few of their company could be called men of faith; men of faith journeyed knowing that they would get to the Promised Land even when the food bags were sagging with emptiness and the last watering holes were three days backwards. Men of faith knew that the God Who had parted the sea would also keep His word. Men of faith didn't lose heart. And today, this very faith in God is demanded of us.

"Take heed, brethren, lest there be in any of you an evil heart of unbelief, in departing from the living God. But exhort one another daily, while it is called To day; lest any of you be hardened through the deceitfulness of sin. For we are made partakers of Christ, if we hold the beginning of our confidence stedfast unto the end; " Hebrews 3

Doubt is a very natural response to life's struggles and I am thankful to know that even our Lord Jesus was tempted with it and understands us. There is no condemnation in struggling with unbelief; but, for me, I wasn't doubting God's ability or timing in giving us a baby. I was doubting His goodness and His love. My inner man cried out saying, "Why, when I am living a life following Him would He deny me my heart's desire?" And that is where I want to encourage you, sweet one, if you are in the same boat.

Remember that God is good. O taste and see that the Lord is good: blessed is the man that trusteth in him -- words the psalmist wrote long ago still ring true today. God is good even when life has disappointments and the way is long and the road full of pot-holes and steep ditches. He is good even when your pregnancy tests say positive but the science says negative and He is good even though your week-long dream becomes another example of your vivid imagination.

So yes, it has been a long journey.

A long, marvelous, God-filled journey.

And I am okay ... at least I will be.

I don't mean for this to be a sad tale or turn into a pity party; there are so many sisters in Christ who are struggling with this issue (and in much more painful ways). I also don't want to be accused of being foolish for not visiting a doctor. Like I said before, I am healthy and well and at this time I am more than okay with letting time take its course. I may change my mind but for now I am happy and content with that.

I just want to be able to talk about it and not feel silly. Because this pain I feel? It's real. And it affects both Dalton and I.

More than anything, I want it to be a growing experience. I want to walk away from these difficulties and be able to say that my faith grew, my heart expanded, and my love multiplied.

With love, blessings, and coffee,

p.s.

Sometimes learning to talk out your feelings can be embarrassing and really, really hard. Thankfully, I have an amazing husband ready to encourage my heart and dry my eyes, family who love no matter what, and friends like you ... who bring authentic sunshine into my life. :) Blessings to you!

Coffee with my Lord | Promises from God's Word

 

Good morning, sweet friends! It is a beautifully chilled and gray day today -- my beloved is out gathering the last of his Christmas list and so I am sitting in an unusually quiet home with tea in one hand and a few encouraging verses next to the other.

 

God is so good, isn't He? Faithfully, He meets our needs and with a gracious hand our wants are often met too. Beyond our imagination is His love and mercy and wisdom. A simple lesson I have been learning is to look to our Heavenly Father for His promises and to cling to them; a simple practice I used when I was a newborn Christian but for some reason allowed to fall to the side in the latter years.

 

The good news is that His promises are never ending! We barely have to part the pages of His Word before words of promise pour out. Promises of life, freedom, victory, mercy, love, security, and justice have been preserved for our generation; there are also other promises: judgment, His second coming, and discipline. Thankfully, what seems like negative promises actually bring comfort to the believing soul. There will be a day of judgment, but it will be tempered by the blood of Jesus who I plead. There will be a day when Christ appears, but praise God!, I will be prepared to meet Him with a heart washed in the blood and a life transformed by His power. There will be discipline in this life, but it is only the gentle, correcting staff of a shepherd Who watches yearns for His sheep to walk in the path of life.  Yes, the Bible is full of promises I need to cling too!

 

Psalm 62 had a few promises which encouraged my heart -- I hope they encourage yours as well!

 

What promises do you find yourself clinging too? Maybe there is a special promise you have been reminding yourself of lately? I'd love to hear it!

 

Also, don't forget about the giveaway tonight! I can't wait to make you and your mailbox happy!

 

Love and blessings to you!

 

8 Surefire Ways to Love Your Mate this Holiday Season

Christmas is such a special time but often the joy and simplicity of rejoicing over the Lord Jesus' birth can be frantically forgotten when busy schedules and overwhelmed spirits clog our minds. Being newly wed, I am learning how important it is to purposefully connect with my husband amongst the busyness that accompanies the wintry, festive days of Christmas. Here are eight ways I've discovered to love your mate during the holiday season -- I hope these ideas can inspire all, fire-up busy, holiday-happy wives, and encourage my single sisters as well!

1. Do something special

    I have found that loving my husband can be as easy (and sweet!) as remembering to keep our lives special. Does he take a lunch to work? Maybe tuck a holiday-themed love note next to his bologna and pickle. Perhaps your beloved is working late hours into the cold evening? He may enjoy coming home to a warm, favorite meal of his. There are so many ways you can purposefully remind your love that he is special and that you appreciate him!

2. Communicate

    We all know that communication is key for a happy, peaceful marriage; but, how much more when the holiday season has you both running in all directions? Lately, we have had to communicate (and re-communicate) our expectations, hopes, and plans for visiting family over the next few weeks, how to manage our budget, my starting a college class/finishing my associates degree, ending a part-time job (and how to go about it), a friend's out of town wedding, and how to make the most of my sister's flying from Arizona without being away from home for two weeks straight (that is a hard one!). Communicating with your spouse your hopes and desires and listening to theirs is a surefire way of making them feel loved and wanted -- even in the midst of a busy schedule!

    Also, it is really important to communicate with family and friends too! There is nothing like bringing a can of cranberry sauce to the New Year's Eve party when you were supposed to bring two casseroles and pie. Be honest and open about expectations and you'll be sure to avoid silly misunderstandings!
    
3. Date him

    Dating you're hubby is an incredibly fun and easy way to stay connected this holiday. If the holidays are making your budget tight opt out of over-spending and purpose to be with each other in other ways. My husband and I love to go grocery shopping together ... we normally make a day of it by hanging out at his favorite video store and then browsing the beautiful aisles of Hobby Lobby, making my crafting-heart rejoice! I know one couple who have made it their habit to go for coffee and dessert. Button up and go for a walk, listening to each other's hopes and dreams for the future. Finally, don't forget how fun a Star Wars marathon and freshly popped popcorn can be.

4. Be kind

    It seems elementary but being kind is important and easily forgotten (at least by this goal-driven, sometimes moody, first born ;). Complement him. Refuse to nag over unfinished projects. Don't run him over just because your mom is coming over and you want everything perfect. Practice unconditional respect and forgiveness. Most of all, bless him with you're kind, loving, consistent smile and mood ... he will appreciate and notice it!

5. Do not assume the worst

    Remembering that love thinks no evil is an incredible way of loving your mate this season. It can be so easy to assume the worst of your spouse and let negative thoughts gain ground ... especially when the holiday festivities tend to add stress to all-ready crowded days. I really struggle with this. Thoughts like:

What did he mean when he said that?

What does he think of me?

He doesn't seem to be in love with my idea so he must hate it and I hate that he gets to be the boss and why can't I make my own decisions!

(see how quickly assuming the worst can develop into a hard, unloving, untrusting attitude?)

Yikes! Instead of ripping the poor, unsuspecting man's head off, learn to put a stop to the negative, assuming thoughts.  I've noticed that men (particularly my man) say what they mean and mean what they say. They don't play word games.

Plus there is nothing wrong with asking "What exactly did you mean by _____?" nor is it bad to sweetly say, "Babe, I don't think you meant to hurt my feelings but when you said _____ I felt really hurt." :) Communication is key, remember?

6. Pray together

   The couple that prays together stays together -- especially during the holiday season. Praying with your husband is a surefire way of reconnecting your two busy souls into one likeminded blend. It is a precious time when you set aside the stresses of life and look to your Heavenly Father as one. It is a time for rejoicing and practicing thankfulness. A time to lift worries and needs before the throne. Most of all, it is a time of unifying your hearts and reminding yourselves that together you are heirs of the grace of life.

7. Laugh

    Remembering to step back from the busyness of life and laugh can be a strong way of loving your mate! In the midst of tight budgets, traveling to see family, deciding on which (multiple) church/school functions to attend, and the normal day-to-day activities that battle for your attention it is easy to forget to laugh together. But taking a moment to laugh together is a fun, cheap, easy way to remember the important things in life. So go ahead -- have that pillow fight, reminisce over your first Christmas and the cute, albeit, bare Charlie Brown tree you shared in the crowded apartment, and smash the sugar cookie into his adorable face. Because, let's face it. If you aren't having fun together then all the busyness and stress isn't worth it. :)

8. Step back

    Finally, one last, surefire way of loving your mate this holiday season is to simply step back from it all. Depending on your season of life you might not be able to make it to every get-together, every musical, and every gift-wrapping fananza. And that's okay. There is no medal given out for having the busiest schedule. There is, however, many golden moments which result from simply stepping back from some of the busyness and focusing on you, your spouse, your family and, most importantly, remembering the Reason for the season.

There you have it! Eight surefire ways of purposefully loving your mate this Christmas season! What are some ways you purposefully connect with your spouse? I'd love to hear your thoughts!

Love always!

   
 

The Happy, Rich, Little Woman and Her Pocketbook

 

"All of the riches in the world which sparkle with the best

Hold nothing but a candle to the beauties of the rest.

 

A strong, warm hand to guide my way,

A home to house my stay,

A few small coins to buy my bread

and work to fill my day

 

An ocean strong, a gentle brook

Some yarn, some paint, a favorite book

A loving family all near by

and the joy of fish caught on the hook

 

These are the riches which hold my eye when the world tries to dismay

For memories, love, and contentment keep the heart lovely as the month of May."

 

 

Hello, sweet friends. Summer is creeping upon us begging for windows to be open, kites to be flown, and memories to be made. Life is lovely here in our lovely little place--how Dalton and I treasure these early days. We spend much of our time walking the city, visiting Farmer's Markets, working on our house, and enjoying each other's company.

 

A lesson I am currently learning is to trust in the Lord ... with all my heart ... and the beauty (and joys!) of contentment. Like many newly weds (and not so newly weds) money can sometimes be tight and it is so tempting to despair and let needless shadows cause our smiles to become frowns and our minds to fret. D and I have been experiencing some of this. What, with an unexpected flat tire, traveling expenses (for my dear sister's wedding!), and other minor purchases it is easy to begin grumbling about our pocket books. But these wishes and grumblings and fears only cause heartache and bring unwelcome hardships.

 

This is why I wrote the above poem. Whenever I am tempted to pine over Country Living's beautiful home decorations or weep over the beautiful items on Etsy I want to remember how rich I really am.

 

I know and love and am loved by the Creator of this world. I am healthy and have many good, upcoming opportunities for advancement in school and my personal goals. I've been munching on yummy bread I recently made with the Kitchen Aid and other utensils we were given for our marriage. There is a lovely rose bush preparing to bloom outside my window and herbs growing in my wee garden. I have clothes hanging on the line outside and dishes soaking in suds and bubbles ready to be washed. Louisa May Alcott is currently entertaining my quiet moments and I am packing to visit my dear sister for her wedding. I have a unique, gentle husband who loves me very much; he brings me coffee in bed, makes me laugh, and blesses me with his great desire for loving the Lord and bringing joy to others. I have work to keep my mind and hands busy and ways to bless others and family who bring me joy through phone calls and letters.

 

Oh, yes, I am a very rich young woman.

 

And I am so very thankful.

 

What are you thankful for today?

 

With love,

Frannie

 

P.S. Photo Credit



How to Love Your Husband or A Tutorial from a Fifty-three Day Long Marriage and Counting

Hello, sweet, sweet friends!

Ah, I have missed you! I hope this finds you all well and rejoicing in the love and incredible mercy of our Lord! I am doing very well – lots of joy and delight in our little area. Currently, we are preparing for D's days off. We’ve loaded our pantry with goodies like apples, chicken quarters, and chocolate chips, rented "The Lord of the Ring" for movie night, and have fun plans which certainly include walks downtown and mornings slept in.

What is married life truly like at *almost* two months?

You really want to know?

It is delightful.

I am so enjoying marriage. I love waking up next to my best friend. I adore greeting him when he comes home from work. I enjoy hearing his plans and dreams. I appreciate his hand holding mine as we listen to the Sunday morning sermon. It is truly beautiful.

Along with the happy, genuine joys of marriage there are the difficult moments too. I hope I always reflect both sides of marriage while blogging—a balanced approach to life as I (silly, little Frannie) sees it. Which brings me to the question,

            “How can I always love my husband?”

I’m sure many of you sweet dears find that a frivolous, ridiculous question. “Are you kidding me, Frannie?! Pshh … what kind of question is that? Obviously, someone is ungrateful!” (I can relate because I use to think the same thing! ;)

But I am serious. How can we always love our husbands?

Well, I have *good news* for you … I’m still unsure. ;) Truly, there are those days when loving your husband (or any human being) is the last thing you want to do. You may have a cold and wish he would stop asking you what you plan to place before his hungry mouth. Perhaps, he made a joke at the expense of your (dear, heavenly, perfect) mother or maybe he insists on re-arranging your *ahem* pantry. Whatever the case may be, loving your husband fully, purposefully, and continuously is a task which can seem impossible to fulfill. So, how can we love these dear men in our lives? I have a few ideas which I’ve noticed and am constantly trying to remember.

1. Love him purposefully

            Silly, right? No, it isn’t, actually. Loving people requires focus, intention, and purpose. It is a choice. Choose to love that hard working (or maybe not so hardworking) man of yours. Love him on purpose. Love him whether or not he helps around the house or whether or not he picks the most holiest of movies to watch. Love him when he’s weak. Love him when he’s strong. Love him daily, on purpose, and not because he is perfect but because he’s yours, he’s a handiwork of God’s, and he needs it … just like you.

2. Practice kindness

            This idea came to me while I was putting away dishes and meditating on Romans 12:1. When we “present [our]selves a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God” we give Him our best. Our best attitudes, our best works, our best selves. Why not try giving our best to our husbands? Why not practice kindness?

            In order to see if this really worked, I purposed to really love Dalton for the next week. I mean, I was going to put my best foot forward--just like I had when we started dating. I purposed to be the sweetest, kindest, gentlest gal he knew and so each day I chose (remember point one?) to practice being kind. I spoke extra kindly, listened extra hard, and loved more earnestly. And guess what happened? My already kind, dear, gentle husband became even more kind, dear, and gentle. He responded to my rush of kindness with kindness. It works. It really does.

3. Hear his heart

            I can be a sensitive person. I rarely catch sarcasm and tend to take offense when the most harmless of jokes (I’m sorry I’m such a baby!) is aimed at me or my loved ones. In contrast, Dalton is a teaser--something I have always appreciated about him. But things get ugly when I miss the joke—and more often than not, get offended. Once that happens I pick a fight. High pitched, barbed questions fly out of my tempered mouth, “What do you mean I’m not nice to your mother?!” or “I do not spend too much money—have you seen my raggedy shoe collection!?” Typically, Dalton just shakes his head and remarks on how feisty I am and wonders why I can’t take a joke. And I sit there, arms crossed, ready to battle the man I vowed my life to.

 Sweet ones, learn from my mistakes. Hear your husband’s heart. If he is anything like my beloved, he never purposefully speaks unkind words or jokes. So before you jump the gun and drag the poor soul to the execution take a breath. Ask him what he meant. Or maybe just laugh a little; you’ll see soon enough whether or not your breath really smells like canned dog food.

4. Practice being vulnerable

            Alright, I’m going to dive into a subject many of my fellow conservative, Christian beings will find awkward—but hey, I like swimming in the deep. ;)

            Ladies, you can love your husband by practicing vulnerability. I know we all have areas on our bodies we personally find distasteful. I tend to think I look far more attractive with a cute sundress on than without but my husband thinks differently. (Ew, gross … actually, no, no it isn’t). Practice being vulnerable; and boy, does it take practice.

God made men to be (typically) visual creatures (a.k.a they want to see ya naked! ;) It is a sacrifice … our pride, our self-image, and our confidence is on the line. We tremble thinking, “What if he doesn’t like what he sees? I sure don’t!” So in our fear (which isn’t of God by the way) we cover up. We hide ourselves. We jump under the covers quickly and refuse to let his eyes see the treasure he married. And indirectly, we tell our husbands that they aren’t worth taking risks for; our refusals proclaim a lack of trust. And that isn’t loving.

So sweet ones, practice love by trusting in your man. Practice love by taking risks. And for heaven’s sake, practice love by taking it off! ;)

Whew! There they are--four tips on how to really love your husband. Remember, love is a choice so purpose to love him daily. Practice kindness—it works! Listen to his heart instead of jumping at his throat. And finally, practice the beautiful trait of vulnerability. Of course, I have a lot to learn on the subject of marriage. But I have found that practicing these four points goes far in the harmonious, successful marriage department. I would love to hear your input, encouragement and insight – what are some of the ways you love other people? Do tell!

            With lots and lots of love and blessings,

                        Frannie