Love Letters + Other Manly Forms of Showing Love

Loving a woman can be a tedious, hard job. But a man who loves his woman -- and shows it -- will be rewarded in bountiful ways.

 I appreciate that Dalton isn't afraid of showing his love in tangible, real life, awesome ways. He knows what makes my heart tick ---> mainly, spending quality time together and receiving gifts (throw in some words of praise and I'm really one happy little woman).

Dalton has nailed the manly art of showing love. I know I am one blessed gal because of it! I have been repeatedly surprised by his purposeful efforts to show love and appreciation.

One way Dalton loves me is through letter writing. Handwritten notes were very important to us while we dated; more often than not, we wrote our personal, soft sentiments onto journal paper. Sometimes, words are better read than spoken. I am very thankful Dalton has kept up the practice. Occasionally, he'll give me a letter he wrote during the day; sometimes their funny, full of doodles and good humor. They are always encouraging and genuine.

Because I am a gift person, Dalton finds little ways to remember me. An occasional breakfast in bed, basket of candy or gift-card to Hobby Lobby has come my way ... you can be sure he gets lots of happy grins and kisses in payment. ;]

Last night Dalton purposefully turned off the tv so we could talk and catch up -- he knew the long work week had caught up with me and understood that I simply needed to curl into his chest and talk.

The world may say that real men are rough, gruff and hard.

But I'll never believe it.

Real men are like Jesus. They love others where they are; they give of themselves ... even when it hurts.

Of course, every man is different. Your darling may never kiss you on the forehead but he probably works long hours and then comes home to fix the plumbing. He may never buy you flowers but he remembers to hear your heart. Darling woman, however your man shows his love, accept it. Rejoice in the love your given and bask in the kindness showered on you.

And remember to bless you man for being manly enough to show his love.

It really is quite rare.

With love, hot chocolate and smiles!

 

// p.s. //

 

Some David Ramirez for your listening pleasure ... I wish upon you love, light and a brave heart. xo

 

How to Get Your Husband To Eat His Vegetables + Other Fables

I'm a lot of things to my husband -- a friend, comrade, keeper, lover, helpmate, playmate, encourager. 

But I'm not his mother.

I'm a first-born, mother-hen, protector personality -- the kind of woman who will ask you if your feeling alright 20 times in a minute, iron your shirt, make your favorite cookies, ask you if the temperature of the room is suitable and hover over you ensuring that your water is filled and your heart content.

I've been told it's stifling. 

I am not my husband's mother -- somehow he managed to live without someone reminding him to brush his teeth, eat his vegetables and put his shoes away before I came into his life. (He keeps assuring me that he can still do those things without oversight.) Somehow he figured out how to apply for jobs, adjust the thermostat and greet people without my tutelage ... and to be honest, I was kind of shocked.

I've  always had someone to remind how to behave; I've always had some amount of control and involvement with those younger then me. So, when my husband ordered me to stop mothering him reminded me that he was perfectly capable, I was confused, hurt and put out. I had only meant to be a helpmeet. Didn't he prefer a helpful wife over a lazy one?

I think I puffed and huffed and declared that he couldn't change me; that he should be thankful for such a helpful, sweet, willing wife.

(Hahaha, I hope Debi Pearl doesn't come after me with a spanking stick and a copy of Created to Be His Helpmeet for that statement ... actually, I do. Mine is wearing out.)

There really isn't a conclusion to this silly post other then to say that I am still learning.

I am learning to be the kind of woman my husband wants and not the kind of woman I thinks he needs. I'm finding he has no problem asking for aid when he needs it and that I need not hover over him. I'm discovering freedom in not having to be involved in his every movement and I am enjoying not being in control. It's fun watching him be himself without me critiquing and advising his every decision. Above all, I am learning to respect my husband enough to trust him. He is capable, he is wise and he is able.

Of course, I do remind him to eat his salad greens because that's simply good fun and it gets us laughing. ;]

Question: Are you a mother-hen? Or, are you one who despises mothering? Whoever you are leave a comment ... I love learning more from you!!

With lots of love, blessings and sunshine,

Modesty and Marriage // How God Blessed Me With His Pick

Sometimes my husband makes me laugh

 

and smile

 

and blush.

 

He loves me. Unashamedly. Unabashedly. Without reserve.

 

I always imagined I would marry a Charity man (or Anabaptist in some fashion). Why? Because I dressed plainly in pretty jumpers and simple skirts and covered my head. No traditional man would want me.

 

So I spent a (shameful) amount of time secretly inspecting fellow brothers in Christ; men who attended the same Youth Bible Schools as I did; men who sang acapello, disdained tv, tucked in button-up shirts and talked of owning their own business, raising a godly family and missions.

 

I inspected them because they were what I expected.

 

But someone else prayed for me.

 

A man raised outside of Anabaptist circles; a man who never read a courtship book, grew up in a divorced home with a loving and hard-working mother who owned a hair salon and video store. This man prayed for me, waited for me and hoped for me.

 

And when he found me he loved me without reserve and shame. Plain, ol' me who covers her hair and sometimes dresses like a granny. He loves me.

 

Today, Dalton came home for lunch (a rare treat since he normally works shifts later in the day). I was standing over a pot of boiling cabbage wearing a faded apron and dressed in my favorite light green jumper. We had already shared our greeting kiss so when he came back into the kitchen, took my arms and said, "You look so beautiful today all clean and tidy and put together" I couldn't help but grin. What about my plain appearance could make me beautiful? I've far more dressy outfits and am normally tidy in appearance. My hair wasn't down and a red pimple blotch could be seen.

 

 

Whatever the reason it doesn't really matter.

 

All that matters is that I am loved by a man who values modesty more than fashion, appreciates godliness more than gaudiness and cherishes uniqueness over popular opinion every time.  

 

And that is why I laugh, smile and blush.

 

I hope you have that too.

 

55 Things I've Learned After Being Married for One Year

I can't believe it. I can't believe that Dalton and I have been married for exactly one year today. A lot of time has passed since that lovely March day; a lot of love, memories and lessons have occurred within our glorious year. Overall, I would say that our first year has been pretty easy; of course, we've had our arguments and our disappointments but theses things have only driven us closer.

Below are fifty-five things I have learned during this first year. Some are fun and silly while others are more serious; each have helped make me into the woman I am today. I look forward to seeing who I will be next year and the year after that. God bless each of you as you read this -- may it inspire, humor and bless you in your own adventures!

1. Marriage, in God's will, is one of His greatest, most kind, gifts to mankind

2. Breakfast doesn't make itself

3. But real men make breakfast (thank you, Dalton! xoxoxo!)

4. Marriage really does take a lot of work

5. And patience

6. And grace

7. Grocery shopping with Dalton is a real treat (I had always imagined I'd shop alone as my dad never went with us. :)

8. You really can live (well!) on one income

9. When buying furniture it is far better to wait for the right style, price and time than jumping into a bargain you'll regret later

10. Babies aren't just made

11. But contentment in the waiting will make you (and your spouse) grow closer to each other and the Lord

12. Homesickness is inevitable

13. And it is okay

14. But when homesickness sweeps over you, don't run home. Run to your beloved and share your heart. You'll grow through it.

15. Arguments will happen (even when you're the perfect couple!)

16. But most of the arguments will be based on miscommunication

17. Your spouse cannot read your mind and he shouldn't have to

18. Going on a date can be as simple as walking through the mall together ... the time together is oh, so priceless!

19. Husbands love to have their jokes laughed at ... but they want you to be real! ;)

20. Dalton cannot stand popping knuckles ... if I pop them while he sleeps he hears it and gives a little grunt of disapproval :D

21. Being your mate's biggest fan and advocate is *so* important. Criticizing him or allowing others to criticize him is a big no-no and a trust breaker. I learned this the hard way. Always, be on your mate's team ... you'll never regret having their trust!

22. Being thrifty can be really fun

23. But sometimes going cheap is not worth it (like buying cheap toilet paper which rips ... du du duuuuuum!)

24. The first few months of marriage will probably be a little tight in the budget ... but don't fret! In about 3 months you'll have the budget set, utilities scheduled, and furnishings furnished and you can begin to relax.

25. Husbands want to know if they're "getting fat " sometimes ... and they want an honest answer

26. Celebrating "month-a-versaries" is really fun!!

27. Riding the bus is actually ... really easy

28. Decorations can be bought little by little each year. Our Christmas tree was given to us and our ornaments were made from a package of potpourri ... but it was truly beautiful and definitely "us." I've found it far more satisfying to stay within budget and buy a little to set up home then go into debt (or over budget).

29. But remember, the budget isn't meant to be a hateful, slave master constantly whipping your backs. If you find that you can agree that the purchase is necessary then go for it! :)

30. Tubs need to be scrubbed every few months ... otherwise they get this gross ring around the edge and your sister will have to scrub it when she comes to visit they get gross.

31. Your Momma is really, really going to miss you (and you her). Bless her, call her, text her, send letter to her ... do all that you can to make this transition easier for the dear woman who has loved you all your life. I wish I had done more of this in the beginning!! <3 p="">
32. A man who makes you coffee is a man worth keeping!!

33. Men like kindness (imagine that!). But really, it's true. Sometimes new wives tend to allow familiarity to become an excuse for complacency breeding selfishness and thoughtlessness. From my extensive studies, men don't respond very well to those traits; however, give them a dose of kindness and suddenly you're a princess who does everything right! ;)

34. You could complain or you could swallow that complaint. The choice is yours.

35. Not being honest about your feelings is a lie. Period.

36. Dalton is genuinely impressed and happy when I give myself over to my "creative juices." His support for my little creations and writing has been such a blessing!

37. Strep throat can be incredibly costly

38. Sleeping during the night is far better than sleeping in the day. When we were first married, D worked the morning shift (11 pm - 7 am). It was a fun adventure, but we were sure glad when he was able to get a swing shift instead (1 pm - 9 pm). We loved not having to sleep in the daytime!    

39. Keeping house is a lot of fun ... especially after you get into the swing of things

40. A good man will eat a lot of icky meals (including leftovers!)

41. Friendly neighbors are a real blessing

42. Lovemaking is so much better than what you thought it would be as a single person

43. Pursuing a relationship with your in-laws (or in-loves as I like to say!) is super important and super rewarding

44. Pregnancy tests are super expensive

45. And getting a negative reading can be devastating

46. Bacon is a financial treat you should partake in once in a while

47. Praying together every day is a investment for eternity and well worth the time

48. Saying "I'm sorry; do you forgive me?" is one of the greatest phrases of all time and a great healer. Use it often.

49. Contentment is a choice ... even after you have everything you ever wanted (a husband who loves you, a home of your own ...) you'll still have to choose to be content.

50. Being married to you best friend is the best thing that could ever happen. He will hold you when you cry, laugh when you laugh, and bless your every moment.

51. Marriage (and all that comes with it) will affect your hormones and you'll feel a little "out of control" for a while. It's okay and I'm pretty convinced it happens to us all. Give yourself grace, plenty of rest, and good, nutrient rich meals and you'll survive. :)

52. God will never fail to meet His children's needs. I have learned this over and over again this year -- our God is good and loving!

53. Finding an apartment with a good landlord and without any broken windows is a huge blessing

54. Not eating sugar/wheat really does make me feel better

55. A man who points you to Christ, encourages you to look up, and prays for you is worth the world and rare

I really couldn't be any happier than I am right now. Dalton and I are so blessed -- we've learned a lot since we said "I do" last year on March 7th. We've stumbled, bickered and felt lost. But we have grown, bonded, and found hope in God's leading. I know we wouldn't trade what we have for the world.

Happy anniversary, D! May we have 70 more!

Were there any points you could relate with or that surprised you? Feel free to bring up your thoughts!!

With love, coffee, and a one year old marriage!

 

The Benefits of Postponing Your Honeymoon

Hello, lovelies!

Today, I want to talk about a very personal, but exciting aspect of married life -- the honeymoon! Ah, what a splendid time the honeymoon phase is. Traditionally, honeymooners travel across the land, doe-eyed, and in love. They spend hours in splendor; basking in the joys of marriage. Sometimes they get too much sun and come home red as lobsters, others make the most of the expense and explore and some make camp in the hotel room and come out for the fancy buffets. :)

It really is a special time.

We went a different route. After being (unexpectedly) unemployed for several months, my beloved had just begun a new job. He didn't feel like it would be possible to take time off and, in all honesty, neither of us had money to travel.

But, boy, did we have a honeymoon.

At that time Dalton was living in our first rental, alone, while I lived with my family three hours away. He scrubbed, painted, and cleaned the bungalow from top to bottom in preparation for when I would come to live with him. After our wedding, I hopped into his white truck and we drove three hours northwest to our home.

And just like countless couples before us, Dalton carried me over the threshold and our honeymoon at home began.

Now, after eleven months of marriage, we are packing our bags, buying tickets, and preparing for our honeymoon away from home. And boy, are we excited!

Even though we are brimming with excitement, I think there were benefits from waiting for our big trip. Here are three benefits of postponing your honeymoon. Let me know what you think!

1. You enjoy each other without pressure

Traveling naturally creates pressure (and stress). Flying (or driving), checking in, and finding your way around a new environment can cause new couples extra stress that, although they're more than happy to deal with, doesn't have to be.

For Dalton and I, two very happy introverts, there was no place like home. We settled into each other (and our marriage) without the stress and pressure of the outside world. Although Jefferson City was new to me, Dalton knew the places I would want to visit, explore, and eat at so he spent the first few weeks making my time extra special. It was wonderful.

2. You know each other

Last night, as we were snuggling in bed, I told Dalton that my love for him had grown so much during our marriage that I wondered how it was possible that I loved him while we were dating -- my love is just so much greater and deeper than I ever thought possible! But that's what happens when you give love time -- it grows and multiplies.

When a couple first marries, you really don't know each other yet. Oh, you may know what your beliefs are, your plans, and how each of you think. But you haven't seen how your man handles throwing up, or for that matter, handles watching you throw up. You haven't seen him handle the in's and out's of finances. You haven't been humbled by his bravery and courage when he patiently waits for unanswered prayers and walks through broken dreams. You don't know him yet.

But you will.

For us, it was worth putting off an official honeymoon. We know and love each other far better then when we first said "I do."

And I think that knowledge will make our honeymoon even better.

3. You will enjoy your trip better

This last point may cause an incredulous, nervous shock to radiate among my dear conservative, homeschooling friends but I stand by it. Your honeymoon is about intimacy ... having sex with your beloved.

((GASP!)) ;)

But really, it is!

God designed marriage to be a beautiful, creative, sexual adventure for you and your spouse and, if you have followed His ways, your honeymoon will be the beginning to that amazing adventure. Of course, each couple is different, but for us it was important to give ourselves time. I can't imagine how stressful it would have been for me if we would have been honeymooning in the tropics and I would have known that at every moment there was some planned activity, some recreation, to partake in.

Of course, I know that it is totally possible to plan a beautiful honeymoon and not be roped into all the activities and adventures offered. But for me, it would have been stressful. I loved knowing that at anytime we could go explore our new town and then safely retire back to our cozy, little home and into my man's strong arms. Physical intimacy (and getting used to it) requires time and I am thankful for the time and freedom not being on a honeymoon offered.

Plus, now that we have been married for eleven months (and we're both fully used to and enjoying the intimate side of marriage ;) I know that we will be able to really enjoy our upcoming trip. :)

Dearhearts, what do you think? Did any of my points resonate with you? Or maybe you had the time of your life at your get-away honeymoon? Let me hear your thoughts -- I'd love to know!

With so much love and blueberry tea,

 

8 Surefire Ways to Love Your Mate this Holiday Season

Christmas is such a special time but often the joy and simplicity of rejoicing over the Lord Jesus' birth can be frantically forgotten when busy schedules and overwhelmed spirits clog our minds. Being newly wed, I am learning how important it is to purposefully connect with my husband amongst the busyness that accompanies the wintry, festive days of Christmas. Here are eight ways I've discovered to love your mate during the holiday season -- I hope these ideas can inspire all, fire-up busy, holiday-happy wives, and encourage my single sisters as well!

1. Do something special

    I have found that loving my husband can be as easy (and sweet!) as remembering to keep our lives special. Does he take a lunch to work? Maybe tuck a holiday-themed love note next to his bologna and pickle. Perhaps your beloved is working late hours into the cold evening? He may enjoy coming home to a warm, favorite meal of his. There are so many ways you can purposefully remind your love that he is special and that you appreciate him!

2. Communicate

    We all know that communication is key for a happy, peaceful marriage; but, how much more when the holiday season has you both running in all directions? Lately, we have had to communicate (and re-communicate) our expectations, hopes, and plans for visiting family over the next few weeks, how to manage our budget, my starting a college class/finishing my associates degree, ending a part-time job (and how to go about it), a friend's out of town wedding, and how to make the most of my sister's flying from Arizona without being away from home for two weeks straight (that is a hard one!). Communicating with your spouse your hopes and desires and listening to theirs is a surefire way of making them feel loved and wanted -- even in the midst of a busy schedule!

    Also, it is really important to communicate with family and friends too! There is nothing like bringing a can of cranberry sauce to the New Year's Eve party when you were supposed to bring two casseroles and pie. Be honest and open about expectations and you'll be sure to avoid silly misunderstandings!
    
3. Date him

    Dating you're hubby is an incredibly fun and easy way to stay connected this holiday. If the holidays are making your budget tight opt out of over-spending and purpose to be with each other in other ways. My husband and I love to go grocery shopping together ... we normally make a day of it by hanging out at his favorite video store and then browsing the beautiful aisles of Hobby Lobby, making my crafting-heart rejoice! I know one couple who have made it their habit to go for coffee and dessert. Button up and go for a walk, listening to each other's hopes and dreams for the future. Finally, don't forget how fun a Star Wars marathon and freshly popped popcorn can be.

4. Be kind

    It seems elementary but being kind is important and easily forgotten (at least by this goal-driven, sometimes moody, first born ;). Complement him. Refuse to nag over unfinished projects. Don't run him over just because your mom is coming over and you want everything perfect. Practice unconditional respect and forgiveness. Most of all, bless him with you're kind, loving, consistent smile and mood ... he will appreciate and notice it!

5. Do not assume the worst

    Remembering that love thinks no evil is an incredible way of loving your mate this season. It can be so easy to assume the worst of your spouse and let negative thoughts gain ground ... especially when the holiday festivities tend to add stress to all-ready crowded days. I really struggle with this. Thoughts like:

What did he mean when he said that?

What does he think of me?

He doesn't seem to be in love with my idea so he must hate it and I hate that he gets to be the boss and why can't I make my own decisions!

(see how quickly assuming the worst can develop into a hard, unloving, untrusting attitude?)

Yikes! Instead of ripping the poor, unsuspecting man's head off, learn to put a stop to the negative, assuming thoughts.  I've noticed that men (particularly my man) say what they mean and mean what they say. They don't play word games.

Plus there is nothing wrong with asking "What exactly did you mean by _____?" nor is it bad to sweetly say, "Babe, I don't think you meant to hurt my feelings but when you said _____ I felt really hurt." :) Communication is key, remember?

6. Pray together

   The couple that prays together stays together -- especially during the holiday season. Praying with your husband is a surefire way of reconnecting your two busy souls into one likeminded blend. It is a precious time when you set aside the stresses of life and look to your Heavenly Father as one. It is a time for rejoicing and practicing thankfulness. A time to lift worries and needs before the throne. Most of all, it is a time of unifying your hearts and reminding yourselves that together you are heirs of the grace of life.

7. Laugh

    Remembering to step back from the busyness of life and laugh can be a strong way of loving your mate! In the midst of tight budgets, traveling to see family, deciding on which (multiple) church/school functions to attend, and the normal day-to-day activities that battle for your attention it is easy to forget to laugh together. But taking a moment to laugh together is a fun, cheap, easy way to remember the important things in life. So go ahead -- have that pillow fight, reminisce over your first Christmas and the cute, albeit, bare Charlie Brown tree you shared in the crowded apartment, and smash the sugar cookie into his adorable face. Because, let's face it. If you aren't having fun together then all the busyness and stress isn't worth it. :)

8. Step back

    Finally, one last, surefire way of loving your mate this holiday season is to simply step back from it all. Depending on your season of life you might not be able to make it to every get-together, every musical, and every gift-wrapping fananza. And that's okay. There is no medal given out for having the busiest schedule. There is, however, many golden moments which result from simply stepping back from some of the busyness and focusing on you, your spouse, your family and, most importantly, remembering the Reason for the season.

There you have it! Eight surefire ways of purposefully loving your mate this Christmas season! What are some ways you purposefully connect with your spouse? I'd love to hear your thoughts!

Love always!

   
 

Why I Never Get Bored

Growing up we were never allowed to be bored. If ever my siblings and I happened to utter that terrible word our mother was quick to offer her usual phrase of inspiration:

Don't tell me you're bored or I'll let you wash the dishes!

You can now see why we always found some way to entertain ourselves.

Thankfully,  now that I'm a grown adult and no longer live with my mom and her inspiring threats, I still have an anti-bored weapon. His name is Dalton Duncan.

Yes, married life often provides me with great (sometimes embarrassing) entertainment. Here are a few of my knight-in-shining-armor's shining moments:

1) Once, upon finding several adorable mushrooms my husband insisted I take pictures of him pretending to be using an umbrella.

2) Date days often involve some kind of fun, creative plan of his (he really is the more creative one in the bunch). Like the time he sent me on a huge scavenger hunt or that awesome day when we secretly drove to our parent's homes and gave them a good surprise.

3) Dalton hates getting his picture taken; actually, he hates cameras in general. He thinks they are over-used and take away from the moment ... two legitimate reasons. Nevertheless, I insist that we must gather some sort of proof that we are in fact married and having the time of our lives for the Facebook world. So, to accommodate both of our desperate pleas we've found a satisfying middle ground. I get to take pictures if  A) I tell him first B) he is doing some sort of pose.

Here's the proof:

Here he felt it appropriate to mock the "Men Working" sign

Interpretive dance with hot-mits

He thought getting a whole loaf from Panera was an amazing feat

4) Scene: Sitting on the couch enjoying a good conversation, Dalton leans over as if to kiss his bride ...

Me: *Yelling!* "Dalton, stop sucking on my nose!"
Dalton: "Hehehehehe ..."

5) I think Dalton is convinced that whenever a male applies shaving cream to his face his wife also should be covered in like manner.

6) Scene: My mom, Dalton, and I are finishing a nice, meaningful conversation in the dining room. Dalton rises, plays around with his Ipad, and then sits on the floor looking as if he is meaning to do some leg stretches. We look. He stretches out his legs like a grasshopper and rubs them together while his Ipad plays cricket sounds in the background.

XD

7) Upon finding stray turtles on the street Dalton likes to offer bits of lettuce to the newcomer:

8) Scene: Enjoying a conversation with guests in the living room. A momentary silence.

Dalton: "Do you see those two owls on the bookshelf?"
Guests: Nod with interest
Dalton" "I carved those out of the prison soap." Grins with happy jubilance.

(Dalton has a love for mixing up conversation ... he feels that the world spends too of its time talking about normal, empty things and believes that one of his missions in life is to liven and stir people up in good, fun ways. It makes me smile.)

9) On early mornings when Dalton is already up he will very gently carry me to the living room couch, gather my pillow and blanket, snuggle me in and proceeds with his activities. It's a special, fun, unique way to sleep in. :)

10) Scene: Dalton's mother's hair salon. Telephone rings. Dalton rises to answer the phone:

Dalton: "Dalton's House of Ecstasy, Dalton speaking."
Me: *Face palm and extreme blush* "Dalton!"

I am so thankful for my funny, original man. His extreme, unique personality has often astonished my shy, safe personality ... needless to say, I've blushed and sputtered more in the last year than in most of my life! But I can say I have been better for it!

What crazy/funny things do your family members do? Or maybe you're the more original one in the family? I'd love to hear! 

p.s: This post was largely inspired by Rachel from The Random Writings of Rachel. I have always found her Angelism posts to be hilarious and realized that, I too, have a few stories to tell. Why don'cha hope on over to her blog ... I know you'll love it!

Seven Marriage Facts I Can't Keep Quiet About

I thought I knew everything (or almost!) about marriage. I knew all of the Scripture written on two becoming one.  I had observed and spoken with several happy couples asking for their keys to success. My parents themselves were a great picture of matrimony. But experiencing something is a whole lot different than dreaming about it. Here are seven things I've learned since saying "I do" that I just can't keep quiet about!  
 

Marriage is way better than you have ever imagined

Marrying Dalton is the best decision I ever made. Life has been so fun ... I mean, every thing is better when you're living life with your best friend. I wish I had known just how wonderful marriage really is ... I hope our marriage is a constant declaration of how great and good God is.

Change is okay

I've written a lot about this but I cannot  emphasize this point enough. Marriage changes you ... and for the better. I am so thankful to God for molding and shaping my life (some times in ways my flesh finds uncomfortable) through our marriage. But it was really hard for me to accept that it was okay for change to happen. Really hard. 

Babies don't just come after having sex

(Goodness gracious! Did she just use the s-word ... yes, my dear, she did ;-) 

This seems like a funny point but it really is important. All my life I had an idea that babies were so easy to make ... it simply isn't true! And this can be very frustrating for the young, hopeful couple. Don't fret those first (and second and third and ...)  negative pregnancy tests and late cycles steal your joy ... learn to enjoy the days fully without frustration taking over. I promise you, that is the better way of making days joyful and good! 

Your body will change and adjust

So. Incredibly. True.

This is totally important. I had no idea that marriage would effect my body as it has. Emotions, chemicals, and hormones are all working on overdrive ... and I mean it!

 If you're anything like me you like having a certain amount of control over your own body ... so when you cannot explain the weird crying spells, do not understand your body's off track cycles, and feel like a fifteen year old girl all over again ... pour yourself a cup of coffee, kiss that amazing man of yours, stop apologizing, and relax. It's normal and you're doing an awesome job as a wife. 

It takes time

I wish I had known (more fully) this simple truth: A good marriage requires time. This is really important to remember. Some days marriage can be really hard ... like bickersome, miscommunication, unmet expectations hard. But then there are those magical days when it blending our two lives into one seems as natural as can be. 

So when it gets hard just keep on loving that great man of yours. Like some of my favorite characters say, "Isn't it nice to think that tomorrow is a new day with no mistakes in it?" Time always brings new beginnings.

There will be days when you feel scared to death 

I know this may sound like a disagreeable statement but I firmly believe that everyone faces this sometime in their marriage. It's a facet of love. After all, love, at the end of the day, is a renewed, conscious choice for your beloved. Good marriages are simply two committed souls choosing to pursue one another.

And there will be days when you wonder what in the world you were thinking. It could be hormones or maybe an unresolved argument or maybe your business went bust or maybe a child is sick ... no matter what the problem is fear will always try to use it as an entryway. It's a feeling -- something you should never build on.

Don't let it. Nip that fear, that nagging worry, in the bud. And then do something great for your spouse. Bake them cookies, give them a hug, or pray for them. I promise that that conscious action of love will whip fear in the backside and tell it to crawl back into the hole it came from.

And days when you know you made the best decision ever

Marrying my husband has brought so much joy and beauty into my life. I know God better because because of it. Life have so much more meaning because we are one. I laugh more. I smile more. Life. Is. Good. There is sweet, growing, beautiful peace which permeates our entire home ... and I'm so thankful for this chance of loving my man and journeying life together always.

So, there's 7 things I simply can't keep quiet about ...  if we were to meet for bagels and coffee you'd think I couldn't talk about anything else. Which thought resonated with you the most? Or maybe there was something else you discovered? I'd love to hear from you!! 

Jane Eyre on Marriage

I absolutely love this quote from Charlotte Bronte's novel, Jane Eyre. Enjoy this bit of fiction which triumphantly expresses the realities of a good marriage.

I have now been married ten years.  I know what it is to live entirely for and with what I love best on earth.  I hold myself supremely blest—blest beyond what language can express; because I am my husband’s life as fully as he is mine.  No woman was ever nearer to her mate than I am: ever more absolutely bone of his bone and flesh of his flesh.  I know no weariness of my Edward’s society: he knows none of mine, any more than we each do of the pulsation of the heart that beats in our separate bosoms; consequently, we are ever together.  To be together is for us to be at once as free as in solitude, as gay as in company.  We talk, I believe, all day long: to talk to each other is but a more animated and an audible thinking.  All my confidence is bestowed on him, all his confidence is devoted to me; we are precisely suited in character—perfect concord is the result.

Mr. Rochester continued blind the first two years of our union; perhaps it was that circumstance that drew us so very near—that knit us so very close: for I was then his vision, as I am still his right hand.  Literally, I was (what he often called me) the apple of his eye.  He saw nature—he saw books through me; and never did I weary of gazing for his behalf, and of putting into words the effect of field, tree, town, river, cloud, sunbeam—of the landscape before us; of the weather round us—and impressing by sound on his ear what light could no longer stamp on his eye.  Never did I weary of reading to him; never did I weary of conducting him where he wished to go: of doing for him what he wished to be done.  And there was a pleasure in my services, most full, most exquisite, even though sad—because he claimed these services without painful shame or damping humiliation.  He loved me so truly, that he knew no reluctance in profiting by my attendance: he felt I loved him so fondly, that to yield that attendance was to indulge my sweetest wishes.

The "Words of Wisdom" Notebook

I have learned (throughout my extensive lifetime ;-) that there are two kinds of people who I meet. Those who produce good, genuine fruit and those who do not. I really like the first. I like people who, however flawed, I can count on to show me exactly what Christ living in human vessels looks like; people who speak, act, and live in a manner worthy of praise. Of course, many of these dear folks have their quirks, their fears, and their failures. But they are good--because they have met the living Savior and reflect His grace continually.

For a wedding present, Dalton and I received a notebook filled with advice, encouragement, and exhortation on this thing called marriage. It is full of handwritten notes from a variety of friends and family--people like the ones I described above. I picked out some of my favorites--the ones which inspire me to think and a few which make me laugh.

Enjoy!

Life and marriage is like the ocean! Sometimes the tide is in ... sometimes the tide is out! If you hang  in there and wait it out ... the tide will always come back in!! :)

Our advice would be to communicate, communicate, communicate. If that doesn't work(and lots of times it won't) love in spite of it. And then forgive.

Serve God above all else and you will not fail in serving each other the way He intends. 

Disagreements shouldn't be hidden from your children. If done respectively, they can see that even though people don't have the same thoughts or feelings, they can love one another and learn from each other.

Argue naked. ;-)

Never let the abundance of God's gifts cause you to forget the Giver.

The best stories ever told contain the phrase, "Don't tell _ _ _ _!"

Love like there is no tomorrow!

Find a way to serve the Lord together. Working to accomplish the same goal side by side makes strong bonds and great memories.

This is one of God's greatest gifts and one of His greatest mysteries as now you two become one; that is 1+1=1.

Let your joy in the Lord be your foundation each morning.

As you learn to increasingly honor your parents, now honor each other's parents as well. A long life is a fine thing. As you progress, what they have done and do will make more sense.

Renew your love for each other. Fifteen minutes a day, one day a week, and one week a year.

When all the newness has faded away, when you have found the great fault in your spouse that you can't live with, when their most precious trait reverses as they mature; then you must still openly give them your total loyalty and respect--honoring, loving, and adoring them in all you do. When others speak against them you stand by each other, closing your ears and heart to their words while remembering only how special you are to each other. Let your words and actions always build each other up and teach your children to respect and love your spouse. In other words, be best friends to each other.

"be swift to hear, slow to speak, and slow to wrath."

Remember, Jacob didn't go with Esau because of the tenderness of the women and children. Men often think women are strong, and they are, but not as strong as men. Be her protector and friend.

If in a disagreement, don't take it to others to get other to side with you.

Both love and respect must be unconditional, not earned.  

"God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in Him."

:Don't forget the reason we are here in this earth.  It is so that we may know Him. (John 17:3) Everything else flows out of that. In everything that you do may you get to know Him more.

 

What do you think?

What bit of wisdom or encouragement has impacted your adventure of knowing Christ fully?

 

With love!

Frannie  

The Happy, Rich, Little Woman and Her Pocketbook

 

"All of the riches in the world which sparkle with the best

Hold nothing but a candle to the beauties of the rest.

 

A strong, warm hand to guide my way,

A home to house my stay,

A few small coins to buy my bread

and work to fill my day

 

An ocean strong, a gentle brook

Some yarn, some paint, a favorite book

A loving family all near by

and the joy of fish caught on the hook

 

These are the riches which hold my eye when the world tries to dismay

For memories, love, and contentment keep the heart lovely as the month of May."

 

 

Hello, sweet friends. Summer is creeping upon us begging for windows to be open, kites to be flown, and memories to be made. Life is lovely here in our lovely little place--how Dalton and I treasure these early days. We spend much of our time walking the city, visiting Farmer's Markets, working on our house, and enjoying each other's company.

 

A lesson I am currently learning is to trust in the Lord ... with all my heart ... and the beauty (and joys!) of contentment. Like many newly weds (and not so newly weds) money can sometimes be tight and it is so tempting to despair and let needless shadows cause our smiles to become frowns and our minds to fret. D and I have been experiencing some of this. What, with an unexpected flat tire, traveling expenses (for my dear sister's wedding!), and other minor purchases it is easy to begin grumbling about our pocket books. But these wishes and grumblings and fears only cause heartache and bring unwelcome hardships.

 

This is why I wrote the above poem. Whenever I am tempted to pine over Country Living's beautiful home decorations or weep over the beautiful items on Etsy I want to remember how rich I really am.

 

I know and love and am loved by the Creator of this world. I am healthy and have many good, upcoming opportunities for advancement in school and my personal goals. I've been munching on yummy bread I recently made with the Kitchen Aid and other utensils we were given for our marriage. There is a lovely rose bush preparing to bloom outside my window and herbs growing in my wee garden. I have clothes hanging on the line outside and dishes soaking in suds and bubbles ready to be washed. Louisa May Alcott is currently entertaining my quiet moments and I am packing to visit my dear sister for her wedding. I have a unique, gentle husband who loves me very much; he brings me coffee in bed, makes me laugh, and blesses me with his great desire for loving the Lord and bringing joy to others. I have work to keep my mind and hands busy and ways to bless others and family who bring me joy through phone calls and letters.

 

Oh, yes, I am a very rich young woman.

 

And I am so very thankful.

 

What are you thankful for today?

 

With love,

Frannie

 

P.S. Photo Credit



How to Love Your Husband or A Tutorial from a Fifty-three Day Long Marriage and Counting

Hello, sweet, sweet friends!

Ah, I have missed you! I hope this finds you all well and rejoicing in the love and incredible mercy of our Lord! I am doing very well – lots of joy and delight in our little area. Currently, we are preparing for D's days off. We’ve loaded our pantry with goodies like apples, chicken quarters, and chocolate chips, rented "The Lord of the Ring" for movie night, and have fun plans which certainly include walks downtown and mornings slept in.

What is married life truly like at *almost* two months?

You really want to know?

It is delightful.

I am so enjoying marriage. I love waking up next to my best friend. I adore greeting him when he comes home from work. I enjoy hearing his plans and dreams. I appreciate his hand holding mine as we listen to the Sunday morning sermon. It is truly beautiful.

Along with the happy, genuine joys of marriage there are the difficult moments too. I hope I always reflect both sides of marriage while blogging—a balanced approach to life as I (silly, little Frannie) sees it. Which brings me to the question,

            “How can I always love my husband?”

I’m sure many of you sweet dears find that a frivolous, ridiculous question. “Are you kidding me, Frannie?! Pshh … what kind of question is that? Obviously, someone is ungrateful!” (I can relate because I use to think the same thing! ;)

But I am serious. How can we always love our husbands?

Well, I have *good news* for you … I’m still unsure. ;) Truly, there are those days when loving your husband (or any human being) is the last thing you want to do. You may have a cold and wish he would stop asking you what you plan to place before his hungry mouth. Perhaps, he made a joke at the expense of your (dear, heavenly, perfect) mother or maybe he insists on re-arranging your *ahem* pantry. Whatever the case may be, loving your husband fully, purposefully, and continuously is a task which can seem impossible to fulfill. So, how can we love these dear men in our lives? I have a few ideas which I’ve noticed and am constantly trying to remember.

1. Love him purposefully

            Silly, right? No, it isn’t, actually. Loving people requires focus, intention, and purpose. It is a choice. Choose to love that hard working (or maybe not so hardworking) man of yours. Love him on purpose. Love him whether or not he helps around the house or whether or not he picks the most holiest of movies to watch. Love him when he’s weak. Love him when he’s strong. Love him daily, on purpose, and not because he is perfect but because he’s yours, he’s a handiwork of God’s, and he needs it … just like you.

2. Practice kindness

            This idea came to me while I was putting away dishes and meditating on Romans 12:1. When we “present [our]selves a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God” we give Him our best. Our best attitudes, our best works, our best selves. Why not try giving our best to our husbands? Why not practice kindness?

            In order to see if this really worked, I purposed to really love Dalton for the next week. I mean, I was going to put my best foot forward--just like I had when we started dating. I purposed to be the sweetest, kindest, gentlest gal he knew and so each day I chose (remember point one?) to practice being kind. I spoke extra kindly, listened extra hard, and loved more earnestly. And guess what happened? My already kind, dear, gentle husband became even more kind, dear, and gentle. He responded to my rush of kindness with kindness. It works. It really does.

3. Hear his heart

            I can be a sensitive person. I rarely catch sarcasm and tend to take offense when the most harmless of jokes (I’m sorry I’m such a baby!) is aimed at me or my loved ones. In contrast, Dalton is a teaser--something I have always appreciated about him. But things get ugly when I miss the joke—and more often than not, get offended. Once that happens I pick a fight. High pitched, barbed questions fly out of my tempered mouth, “What do you mean I’m not nice to your mother?!” or “I do not spend too much money—have you seen my raggedy shoe collection!?” Typically, Dalton just shakes his head and remarks on how feisty I am and wonders why I can’t take a joke. And I sit there, arms crossed, ready to battle the man I vowed my life to.

 Sweet ones, learn from my mistakes. Hear your husband’s heart. If he is anything like my beloved, he never purposefully speaks unkind words or jokes. So before you jump the gun and drag the poor soul to the execution take a breath. Ask him what he meant. Or maybe just laugh a little; you’ll see soon enough whether or not your breath really smells like canned dog food.

4. Practice being vulnerable

            Alright, I’m going to dive into a subject many of my fellow conservative, Christian beings will find awkward—but hey, I like swimming in the deep. ;)

            Ladies, you can love your husband by practicing vulnerability. I know we all have areas on our bodies we personally find distasteful. I tend to think I look far more attractive with a cute sundress on than without but my husband thinks differently. (Ew, gross … actually, no, no it isn’t). Practice being vulnerable; and boy, does it take practice.

God made men to be (typically) visual creatures (a.k.a they want to see ya naked! ;) It is a sacrifice … our pride, our self-image, and our confidence is on the line. We tremble thinking, “What if he doesn’t like what he sees? I sure don’t!” So in our fear (which isn’t of God by the way) we cover up. We hide ourselves. We jump under the covers quickly and refuse to let his eyes see the treasure he married. And indirectly, we tell our husbands that they aren’t worth taking risks for; our refusals proclaim a lack of trust. And that isn’t loving.

So sweet ones, practice love by trusting in your man. Practice love by taking risks. And for heaven’s sake, practice love by taking it off! ;)

Whew! There they are--four tips on how to really love your husband. Remember, love is a choice so purpose to love him daily. Practice kindness—it works! Listen to his heart instead of jumping at his throat. And finally, practice the beautiful trait of vulnerability. Of course, I have a lot to learn on the subject of marriage. But I have found that practicing these four points goes far in the harmonious, successful marriage department. I would love to hear your input, encouragement and insight – what are some of the ways you love other people? Do tell!

            With lots and lots of love and blessings,

                        Frannie

April :: Goals and Favorites

The heartiest of hellos to you, sweet friends. Currently, I am cuddling in my favorite sea-colored blanket, with coffee in mind, and great music in the background. The current rain storms we’re getting and the lovely (though surprising) pops of colors from the local greenery has me feeling alive and ready to accomplish big things. How appropriate then that Amelia should post her goals and favorites this month and invite others to join in too! J So here I go, sharing my goals and favorites for this month.

Goals

Read through the book of John … twice :: D and I have been watching The Gospel of John and I really enjoy reading Scripture with it.

Stick to our set budget/meal ideas :: We’ve come up with a workable budget and I’m excited to apply it

3. Have thank-you cards written and ready to be sent at the end of the month

4. Basement brigade :: Wash down the ceiling, walls, and back room of basement (Tentative to the availability of teammate and beloved, D) J

5. Prune rose bush, put in (tiny) herb garden, and maybe get pot-garden in :: And blog about the results

6. Wash/dress-up mailbox

7. Order transcripts :: I am so thankful I am able to continue attending college—praying I am accepted to the nearby school

8. Finish pantry :: This includes putting in nails in order to hang pots and reorganizing

9. Remove paint from kitchen window

10. Bake cookies and pass around J :: Using the recipe and ingredients given by a clever wedding guest!

 Favorites

Daffodils and cherry blossoms are blooming :: We are thoroughly enjoying the lovely blossoms which make our home seem cherry and fresh

Our new coffee mugs a sweet friend gave :: “You’re my cup of tea” and “I like you a latte” are the cutest sayings ever to find their way on coffee cups

Meeting new friends  :: In special, God-decreed ways!

Having family over :: Last week some of our family and friends came for a visit bringing our wedding presents along with them. We had so much fun opening gifts, eating Chinese, touring the capital, and just enjoying each other’s company.

Being married :: Yes, this is one takes the cake J


I’d love to hear your goals for this month--join the fun and share!

With lots of love and blessings,

Frannie