Learning How to Be Flexible in Marriage

One of the lessons marriage is teaching me is the importance of being flexible.

 

A few weeks ago, my darling man's work schedule changed. And we were/are thrilled! Instead of working 1 pm to 9 pm my hardworking man works from 9 am - 7 pm. Yes, he did get more hours in a day but instead of two days off he now has three! How wonderful! Not only are we blessed with an extra day off but he gets home much earlier than he used to -- perfect for having friends over or enjoying an evening out together.

 

And yet, despite the goodness of this change, I find my rigid, stick-to-the-schedule personality being stretched a bit. For nearly a year I had grown accustom to Dalton only having two days off and spending his mornings at home. Now, our mornings are a little busier than normal, the time of his absence longer and the workweek shorter.

 

At first I noticed that I was feeling a little uptight -- why should I be feeling stressed over these good changes?

 

I'm sure you too can relate. Perhaps your husband's schedule changed as well or maybe he lost his job and spends most of his hours at home with you and the babies? Maybe he has volunteered and is needed elsewhere?

 

I simply want to encourage you, dear one, to embrace the change. Embrace the challenges and joys life gives and, above all, practice being flexible. For many of us, it is easy to become stressed and weirded-out over changes  (even the good ones!). When that stress comes at you remember these three things:

 

 

Remember that God is uses these changes for good, that change is a natural part of life and that when you feel out-of-the-loop and a little stressed that God understands and invites you to His throne of grace.

 

Oh, and one last thing.

 

Choose joy.

 

Choose to accept the change in your schedule.

 

And choose to love those in your home.

 

With lots of love!

 



"All Day I Did the Little Things ..."

 

// photo credit //

 

 

The Blue Bowl

All day I did the little things,
The little things that do not show;
I brought the kindling for the fire
I set the candles in a row,
I filled a bowl with marigolds,
The shallow bowl you love the best --
And made the house a pleasant place
Where weariness might take its rest.

The hours sped on, my eager feet
Could not keep pace with my desire.
So much to do, so little time!
I could not let my body tire;
Yet, when the coming of the night
Blotted the garden from my sight,
And on the narrow, graveled walks
Between the guarding flower stalks
I heard your step: I was not through
With services I meant for you.

You came into the quiet room
That glowed enchanted with the bloom
Of yellow flame. I saw your face,
Illumined by the firelit space,
Slowly grow still and comforted --
"It's good to be at home," you said.

   - Blanche Bane Kuder

 

 

Some days we never finish all that we intend to do. But the reward of a husband returning home -- one man happy to be in the embrace of his woman, content to sleep under faded comforters and eat simple meals -- seems to make every chore, every project, every list worthwhile and even enjoyable.

 

A dear friend of mine shared this poem -- I couldn't help but fall in love with it.

 

Love and blessings,

Joy in the Waiting // Baby Love Part 3

// photo credit //

 

It's a snowy, gray day in March. A day made for inside activities, cocoa and good conversation.

 

But there's something missing.

 

Or rather, someone.

Sweet reader, you've walked through my inner thoughts and learned about my love-hate relationship with children (hehehe .... that sounds so intense) and then discovered the beautiful (in progress) work God has done in my heart -- I no longer fear having babies and instead find a growing desire for them. To finish our series I want to write a little on what happens when you want a baby but it seems to not happen.

 

That someone missing is a little squirming bundle, a happy toddler making messes, cluttering the apartment with wipes and toys and a hundred pacifiers. A child of our own.  

 

From my perspective waiting on anything is hard. We want to grow up, marry, keep our own homes, become missionaries, have babies ... contentment is a hard thing especially when we are waiting for something good. We cannot imagine that there could be joy in the waiting.

 

All my life I have struggled with anger, frustration, sorrow and discontent when it seemed God was saying, "Not yet, dear one. Wait on my timing. And in the mean time, find joy."

 

It was and has been very difficult.

 

But, praise God, it is possible.

Over the course of my twenty-five year long lifetime I've unearthed a few ways to practice contentment; simple steps to finding joy in the waiting:

1. Realize that it is okay (and normal) to be struggling.

 

This. Is. Huge.

 

The first step to contentment, I've found, is realizing that it is okay to hurt, want and ache. If it is a good thing (marriage, children, using your likes and talents to save the world ;) then it's okay to want it. You are not bad for desiring a good thing. After you've realized that it is okay to struggle remember that ...

 

2. God is enough in the meantime.

 

(This is also huge ;)

 

When we forget that our relationship with Jesus is more then enough we become shipwrecked on an island of self pity, anger, jealousy and a nonstop struggle to get what we want.

 

I've been there. Countless times. And, friend, it is no picnic being stuck in such a terrible place.

 

If you find yourself forgetting that God is more then enough take a step back. Practice thankfulness. Thank God for your life, the sun outside, the clothes on your back. Bless you parents. Bless your spouse. Bless anyone and everyone. Being thankful is the key to remembering that God is more then enough. And when you've remembered that you really can be happy without getting what you want ...

 

3. Pray and prepare.  

 

Ask God for your heart's desire; ask in faith and with courage. The Bible tells us to do this!

 

And, while you pray, prepare.

 

Do you want to be married? Discover what makes an excellent wife and study that. Do you want to be a mother? Learn about childbirth, medicine and observe other awesome moms. Do you want to go to college or step out on the mission field? Prepare yourself by serving in your local area; study, learn, grow. Don't fool yourself into wasting the time God has given you; if He has given it then it is for your good.

 

Once you have remembered that it is okay to hurt, that Jesus is more then enough, and to pray and prepare you will discover joy in the waiting.

 

It isn't easy (and does not always feel good) but choosing contentment over frustration will prove to be a blessing every time.

 

 

Question: What have you been waiting for? Have you discovered any beautiful blessings while you wait?

 

With lots of love, blessings and snowflakes!

How God (Totally) Changed My View // Baby Series Part 2

(Aren't my nephews as cute as pie and just as eatable?)

 

I'm a woman of many contradictions.

One of the most difficult contradictions I have experienced is my great desire for (and also fear of) having children.

When we didn't get pregnant within the first six months of our marriage I panicked. "What if we cannot conceive?" "What if I am never able to give my dear husband a baby of his own?" (Dalton loves children! :)

Then there were moments when I thought we could be pregnant; when all the signs and symptoms told me to invest in a test and begin planning. I panicked during those moments too. "What if I'm not a good mom?" "What if I'm not ready?" "What if I like my life too much as it is?"

I was ashamed of my feelings. I wanted to be pregnant yet when the possibility was there I was terrorized. Thankfully, the Lord has worked (and continues to work) miracles in my heart. He has also given me grace to learn why I was afraid. Below, I have written three reason for my hesitancy towards having children; maybe one of you can relate?

 I was afraid of being pregnant because I had never taken the time to decide if I really wanted children. Children are blessings, gifts from our Heavenly Father, and they should be desired and thanked for! But as a Christian, conservative woman I had allowed myself to believe that having children was the godly thing to do -- mere duty instead of privilege. I had allowed my false belief to taint the way I viewed children; if babies are merely expected jobs then joy is lost. It was only after I was married and faced with the possibility of pregnancy that I began to see that I did in fact want children. I wanted them not because it was expected or the godly thing to do ... I wanted them because they were true blessings!

I was afraid because I was selfish. When I find more happiness in controlling an environment than enjoying/blessing the people within the environment I am being selfish. When I let myself get angry over a messy room and forget that these little people are people I am being selfish. When I love my life more than having someone new to share my life with I am being selfish. I was afraid of having children because children are a big commitment! :D I had to come face to face with my selfishness and call it for what it was ... sin.

Finally, I was afraid because I was uninformed. This was really important for me to realize. I was afraid because I was afraid! :) For some reason, I knew nothing about birth (and watching one show of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant" on TLC did not help the matter ... talk about freaky!). I was afraid of the pain, the weight gain and the body changes which often accompany pregnancy. I was afraid of the natural (and beautiful) process of birth. I was afraid of pregnancy because I was uneducated.

Since then, I've been reading about childbirth, natural labor and all that is involved. I was blessed to be apart of my sister's delivery. As I learned, the fear and anxiety magically began to drift away. I am still learning and so thankful to know that God will keep working in my life! :)

Have you ever struggled with the thought of having children? Or maybe you are one of those strangely awesome ladies who have that part of life all figured out? No matter who you are, do leave your comments. I'd love to learn from you!

With love, coffee and sunshine,

// p.s. check out this link for the final post in the baby love series! //

 

Awfully, Painfully, Terribly Awkward // Baby Series Part 1

// photo credit //

 

I have a love-hate relationship with children.

I love the idea of children, the joy they radiate and the feelings of motherliness I get when I tend to them.

But I struggle with the real deal, the in-your-face with peanut butter and jelly stains, rambunctious and sometimes naughty reality of children.

p.s. I'm laughing as I write this article. Just so you know, I don't hate children (at all). But I am terribly, awfully, painfully awkward around them ... let's proceed with examples.

Growing up, my sister and I babysat as a team. Allie was the fun, game playing, diaper changing, order-keeping sister. And while she kept the children at bay I enjoyed cleaning the house. Having inherited my dad's fear of holding small, plushy babies I didn't learn how to properly change a diaper until I was nineteen and hired at a daycare. (Can you imagined my boss' thoughts when she learned her employee didn't even know how to change a diaper!? HA!) At twenty-five I battle being irritated with the quirks of students.

Some women seem to love everything about children ... I get cranky after one hour of babysitting.

My mom encourages me that it will be different when I have my own children. And while I am grateful for the encouragement I can't but wonder what I can do to change. How can I learn to thoroughly enjoy children, to discover the joy in the mess? How do I change a twenty-five year old habit when I'm serious minded and more prone to adult conversation than play?

Prayer and time.

I'm convinced that these alone will change my attitude. I don't want to just be tolerant -- I want to accept unreservedly.

Coming up, I will share how God has been changing my heart toward children. I'll also write a little something on the patience in waiting for a child. Both are relevant to my life today.

// Click here to head on to part two //

Question: Do you relate well with children? If not, how have you learned to overcome? I'd love to learn from you --  and laugh with you too!

With love, coffee and blessings!

              

 

p.s.s. My friend Angel wrote an excellent piece on this very topic so if you love children, want to learn to love children or love random wedding pictures do check her site out. :)

 

p.s.s.s. If you're reading this and I've babysat your children before ... please don't freak out thinking I hated watching your precious babies! Ha! Not true. Every child I have watched (and there have been many) are special bundles of personality that I love and appreciate and I look forward to watching in the future.  

 

Modesty and Marriage // How God Blessed Me With His Pick

Sometimes my husband makes me laugh

 

and smile

 

and blush.

 

He loves me. Unashamedly. Unabashedly. Without reserve.

 

I always imagined I would marry a Charity man (or Anabaptist in some fashion). Why? Because I dressed plainly in pretty jumpers and simple skirts and covered my head. No traditional man would want me.

 

So I spent a (shameful) amount of time secretly inspecting fellow brothers in Christ; men who attended the same Youth Bible Schools as I did; men who sang acapello, disdained tv, tucked in button-up shirts and talked of owning their own business, raising a godly family and missions.

 

I inspected them because they were what I expected.

 

But someone else prayed for me.

 

A man raised outside of Anabaptist circles; a man who never read a courtship book, grew up in a divorced home with a loving and hard-working mother who owned a hair salon and video store. This man prayed for me, waited for me and hoped for me.

 

And when he found me he loved me without reserve and shame. Plain, ol' me who covers her hair and sometimes dresses like a granny. He loves me.

 

Today, Dalton came home for lunch (a rare treat since he normally works shifts later in the day). I was standing over a pot of boiling cabbage wearing a faded apron and dressed in my favorite light green jumper. We had already shared our greeting kiss so when he came back into the kitchen, took my arms and said, "You look so beautiful today all clean and tidy and put together" I couldn't help but grin. What about my plain appearance could make me beautiful? I've far more dressy outfits and am normally tidy in appearance. My hair wasn't down and a red pimple blotch could be seen.

 

 

Whatever the reason it doesn't really matter.

 

All that matters is that I am loved by a man who values modesty more than fashion, appreciates godliness more than gaudiness and cherishes uniqueness over popular opinion every time.  

 

And that is why I laugh, smile and blush.

 

I hope you have that too.

 

Downtown Travels | Jefferson City in Snow

 

I really enjoy Jefferson City.

 

 

Surrounded by beautiful country, the city seems to have the perfect mixture of old-fashioned beauty and modern convenience.

 

I especially enjoy living only two miles from the Capital; Dalton often drops me off on his way to work. I walk along the library, pass shops and eventually through the Capital building. It is always open for touring.  

 

The Governor's Mansion is truly beautiful. Behind it hides a Greek-themed garden planted years ago by the Governor's wife and several working prisoners. In the spring dog-wood blossoms and tulips greet everyone who pass by while several fountains have children (and adults) smiling.

 

When I wrote this two weeks ago the the city was cold and laden with small snowy piles.

 

On my latest walk I discovered a little museum tucked along the street; maybe our next date day can take us here. Our favorite pizza place isn't very far away ... ;)

 

 

Behind me are several railroad tracks and, even further, the Missouri River.

 

One day I plan to write a post about falling in love with a new city; sometimes it can be challenging adapting to a new home. Thankfully, the capital of Missouri seemed to have no trouble winning my heart and making me feel at home. :)

 

Do you enjoy where you are living? Is it more country or city? Did you ever have a difficult move? I would love to hear your stories.

 

With love and blessings,

55 Things I've Learned After Being Married for One Year

I can't believe it. I can't believe that Dalton and I have been married for exactly one year today. A lot of time has passed since that lovely March day; a lot of love, memories and lessons have occurred within our glorious year. Overall, I would say that our first year has been pretty easy; of course, we've had our arguments and our disappointments but theses things have only driven us closer.

Below are fifty-five things I have learned during this first year. Some are fun and silly while others are more serious; each have helped make me into the woman I am today. I look forward to seeing who I will be next year and the year after that. God bless each of you as you read this -- may it inspire, humor and bless you in your own adventures!

1. Marriage, in God's will, is one of His greatest, most kind, gifts to mankind

2. Breakfast doesn't make itself

3. But real men make breakfast (thank you, Dalton! xoxoxo!)

4. Marriage really does take a lot of work

5. And patience

6. And grace

7. Grocery shopping with Dalton is a real treat (I had always imagined I'd shop alone as my dad never went with us. :)

8. You really can live (well!) on one income

9. When buying furniture it is far better to wait for the right style, price and time than jumping into a bargain you'll regret later

10. Babies aren't just made

11. But contentment in the waiting will make you (and your spouse) grow closer to each other and the Lord

12. Homesickness is inevitable

13. And it is okay

14. But when homesickness sweeps over you, don't run home. Run to your beloved and share your heart. You'll grow through it.

15. Arguments will happen (even when you're the perfect couple!)

16. But most of the arguments will be based on miscommunication

17. Your spouse cannot read your mind and he shouldn't have to

18. Going on a date can be as simple as walking through the mall together ... the time together is oh, so priceless!

19. Husbands love to have their jokes laughed at ... but they want you to be real! ;)

20. Dalton cannot stand popping knuckles ... if I pop them while he sleeps he hears it and gives a little grunt of disapproval :D

21. Being your mate's biggest fan and advocate is *so* important. Criticizing him or allowing others to criticize him is a big no-no and a trust breaker. I learned this the hard way. Always, be on your mate's team ... you'll never regret having their trust!

22. Being thrifty can be really fun

23. But sometimes going cheap is not worth it (like buying cheap toilet paper which rips ... du du duuuuuum!)

24. The first few months of marriage will probably be a little tight in the budget ... but don't fret! In about 3 months you'll have the budget set, utilities scheduled, and furnishings furnished and you can begin to relax.

25. Husbands want to know if they're "getting fat " sometimes ... and they want an honest answer

26. Celebrating "month-a-versaries" is really fun!!

27. Riding the bus is actually ... really easy

28. Decorations can be bought little by little each year. Our Christmas tree was given to us and our ornaments were made from a package of potpourri ... but it was truly beautiful and definitely "us." I've found it far more satisfying to stay within budget and buy a little to set up home then go into debt (or over budget).

29. But remember, the budget isn't meant to be a hateful, slave master constantly whipping your backs. If you find that you can agree that the purchase is necessary then go for it! :)

30. Tubs need to be scrubbed every few months ... otherwise they get this gross ring around the edge and your sister will have to scrub it when she comes to visit they get gross.

31. Your Momma is really, really going to miss you (and you her). Bless her, call her, text her, send letter to her ... do all that you can to make this transition easier for the dear woman who has loved you all your life. I wish I had done more of this in the beginning!! <3 p="">
32. A man who makes you coffee is a man worth keeping!!

33. Men like kindness (imagine that!). But really, it's true. Sometimes new wives tend to allow familiarity to become an excuse for complacency breeding selfishness and thoughtlessness. From my extensive studies, men don't respond very well to those traits; however, give them a dose of kindness and suddenly you're a princess who does everything right! ;)

34. You could complain or you could swallow that complaint. The choice is yours.

35. Not being honest about your feelings is a lie. Period.

36. Dalton is genuinely impressed and happy when I give myself over to my "creative juices." His support for my little creations and writing has been such a blessing!

37. Strep throat can be incredibly costly

38. Sleeping during the night is far better than sleeping in the day. When we were first married, D worked the morning shift (11 pm - 7 am). It was a fun adventure, but we were sure glad when he was able to get a swing shift instead (1 pm - 9 pm). We loved not having to sleep in the daytime!    

39. Keeping house is a lot of fun ... especially after you get into the swing of things

40. A good man will eat a lot of icky meals (including leftovers!)

41. Friendly neighbors are a real blessing

42. Lovemaking is so much better than what you thought it would be as a single person

43. Pursuing a relationship with your in-laws (or in-loves as I like to say!) is super important and super rewarding

44. Pregnancy tests are super expensive

45. And getting a negative reading can be devastating

46. Bacon is a financial treat you should partake in once in a while

47. Praying together every day is a investment for eternity and well worth the time

48. Saying "I'm sorry; do you forgive me?" is one of the greatest phrases of all time and a great healer. Use it often.

49. Contentment is a choice ... even after you have everything you ever wanted (a husband who loves you, a home of your own ...) you'll still have to choose to be content.

50. Being married to you best friend is the best thing that could ever happen. He will hold you when you cry, laugh when you laugh, and bless your every moment.

51. Marriage (and all that comes with it) will affect your hormones and you'll feel a little "out of control" for a while. It's okay and I'm pretty convinced it happens to us all. Give yourself grace, plenty of rest, and good, nutrient rich meals and you'll survive. :)

52. God will never fail to meet His children's needs. I have learned this over and over again this year -- our God is good and loving!

53. Finding an apartment with a good landlord and without any broken windows is a huge blessing

54. Not eating sugar/wheat really does make me feel better

55. A man who points you to Christ, encourages you to look up, and prays for you is worth the world and rare

I really couldn't be any happier than I am right now. Dalton and I are so blessed -- we've learned a lot since we said "I do" last year on March 7th. We've stumbled, bickered and felt lost. But we have grown, bonded, and found hope in God's leading. I know we wouldn't trade what we have for the world.

Happy anniversary, D! May we have 70 more!

Were there any points you could relate with or that surprised you? Feel free to bring up your thoughts!!

With love, coffee, and a one year old marriage!

 

Home Again, Home Again // Las Vegas Honeymoon

It's official.

I love traveling with my darling man.

Not only do I have someone to tote the large suitcase onto scary, metal escalators but there's a constant hand to hold + smile to find ... even when we're lost + travel weary.

Our (late) honeymoon was a blast. We flew to Las Vegas + spent ten warm, sun-shiny days touring the strip + lounging in the lazy river at our resort. A very kind friend had given us a week of his time share so we were able to really feel at home in a Wyndham apartment.

 

 

 

We spent hours walking the strip, eating gelato + exploring the sites.

 

 

 

 

One of our favorite discoveries was Las Vegas' Chinatown. While there we ate at Mother's Grill, a beautiful Korean restaurant.

 

 

Afterwards, we explored a busy grocery store full of foreign foods, fresh meat + produce.

 

Trinket shops were full of adorable items + hilarious signs.

 

And we wandered into one shop that was full of dried goods including shark fin, mushrooms + ginseng. Everything was amazingly expensive ...

 

The Hershey Chocolate store was lovely ... every type of candy lined the shelves.

 

 

Often times, we'd prepare our own meals at our apartment ... Dalton loves pickle juice + took full advantage of the lovely glasses we found in the cupboard.

 

 

And many nights we spent watching a movie with the fireplace ablaze, snuggled close.

 

It was a really special trip + one I'm so thankful we could go on. Now we are back home + making the most of our days here ... but we will always be able to look back to this trip + smile!

Goals, Dreams, + Reality | Blog Changes

 

 

 

Hello, sweet folk.

 

 

It's a bright, gray skied Thursday here on Madeline Place and I am enjoying such deep peace and happiness. Many hugs and cheek kisses are being mentally sent your way; I wasn't sure what sort of outcome Pregnancy Tests and Baby Blues would receive but of course, without fail, you ladies pulled me into your arms and blessed me with your sincere love. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

 

 

You may have noticed the changes occurring in this quiet place. The name changed from Of Mess and Glory back to the original Authentic Virtue. I like it better this way. I think, for some reason, I had gotten distracted from the pure, most sincere reasons I write -- to encourage women to live with the full knowledge that Jesus is beside them and that authentic (real, tangible) virtue (moral power) is the most beautiful thing they can show this world.

 

 

Dalton and I have been talking about what my ministry, in this season of life, should look like. I know that it should involve my being a blessing to and keeper of our home, the encouragement of younger girls to love the Lord and rejoice in the design and person He made them, to lift up women through hospitality, and to utilize my talents and interests for His glory. 

And then there is this blog. This wonderful, fun place I love to meander around in. What should it look like? How much time should I dedicate to it? Who should it reach? I have a lot of big dreams when it comes to writing/designing and feel that, whether the blog reaches thousands or merely fifty-eight, I want it to be a platform where God is glorified through my being authentic, open and encouraging in every word.


So, just like wiping away sticky cobwebs and scrubbing floors clean, I am in the process of preparing Authentic Virtue to really shine. There will be more consistency, more authenticness and praise of virtuous womanhood. Which reminds me, the pretty title, sidebar, and signature graphics which decorate my walls come from Hannah at We Lived Happily Ever After . She makes beautiful things for both blogs and homes ... and she definitely would love a visit from your beautiful self.


Looking forward to a fun, beautiful adventure,

Nickleby, Cornstarch and Cookies || Or How I Spent My Weekend

Hello, sweet friends!

The sun is out, children are playing across the street, windows have been letting breezy, fresh air in, and things are happening here on Madeline Street.

Lately, I have been engaged in the Battle of the Blow-Nose, Head-Cold ... I tell ya ... it's been a rough two to three weeks mainly because I am typically in good health. Nevertheless, I press on (not really ... there were two days when nothing happened unless it involved napping, pjs all day or more napping). :) But I digress.

Yesterday, I caught craft-fever and after I dropped my beloved off at work I stopped by the library and picked out the week's entertainment.

 



I had never seen Nicholas Nickleby ... it is, by now, one of my most favorite of movies. I'm in the process of begging D to watch it with me. :)

I also managed to make my to-do list and cross off a few items.

 

 

A few weeks ago, my sweetest friends and family threw me a 25th bowling birthday-party. It was so much fun and I felt like I needed to get some cards off in the mail to say thank you.

 

 

 

 

I had also seen this easy, healthy cookie recipe floating around Facebook and decided to give it a try.

 

 

 

 

They turned out amazing! As a die-hard cookie-lover, I was afraid these would taste like hippies from a commune had made them. ;) The recipe made a small batch -- just perfect for two -- and my health-conscious husband loved them just as much as I.

 

Today, I spent some time listening to worship music and trying to decide what our house should look like come Valentine's Day. I know it's too early to decorate for February 14th but since my beloved and I are will be away during the earliest days of February (for a nice, surprise, honey-moon!) I thought it would be a good idea to start now so that when we return everything will be ready for the holiday.

 

 

I had thought this tutorial for cornstarch ornaments too adorable to not try ... the recipe was easy to follow and fun to do. I'm still not sure if I'm as crazy about them as I originally was but they are cute and I'll take the next few days to see if the hearts grow on me. :) 

 

What thinkest thou?

 

I'm off to peck-out a chalkboard tutorial for Monday, finish my new design and bake bread. I am *so* thankful for the opportunity to stay home ... it is such a joy to spend time crafting!

 

With lots and lots of love, banana-cookies, and smiles,

 

Frannie