Monday, April 28, 2014

How to Love Your Husband or A Tutorial from a Fifty-three Day Long Marriage and Counting

Hello, sweet, sweet friends!

Ah, I have missed you! I hope this finds you all well and rejoicing in the love and incredible mercy of our Lord! I am doing very well – lots of joy and delight in our little area. Currently, we are preparing for D's days off. We’ve loaded our pantry with goodies like apples, chicken quarters, and chocolate chips, rented "The Lord of the Ring" for movie night, and have fun plans which certainly include walks downtown and mornings slept in.

What is married life truly like at *almost* two months?

You really want to know?

It is delightful.

I am so enjoying marriage. I love waking up next to my best friend. I adore greeting him when he comes home from work. I enjoy hearing his plans and dreams. I appreciate his hand holding mine as we listen to the Sunday morning sermon. It is truly beautiful.

Along with the happy, genuine joys of marriage there are the difficult moments too. I hope I always reflect both sides of marriage while blogging—a balanced approach to life as I (silly, little Frannie) sees it. Which brings me to the question,

            “How can I always love my husband?”

I’m sure many of you sweet dears find that a frivolous, ridiculous question. “Are you kidding me, Frannie?! Pshh … what kind of question is that? Obviously, someone is ungrateful!” (I can relate because I use to think the same thing! ;)

But I am serious. How can we always love our husbands?

Well, I have *good news* for you … I’m still unsure. ;) Truly, there are those days when loving your husband (or any human being) is the last thing you want to do. You may have a cold and wish he would stop asking you what you plan to place before his hungry mouth. Perhaps, he made a joke at the expense of your (dear, heavenly, perfect) mother or maybe he insists on re-arranging your *ahem* pantry. Whatever the case may be, loving your husband fully, purposefully, and continuously is a task which can seem impossible to fulfill. So, how can we love these dear men in our lives? I have a few ideas which I’ve noticed and am constantly trying to remember.

1. Love him purposefully

            Silly, right? No, it isn’t, actually. Loving people requires focus, intention, and purpose. It is a choice. Choose to love that hard working (or maybe not so hardworking) man of yours. Love him on purpose. Love him whether or not he helps around the house or whether or not he picks the most holiest of movies to watch. Love him when he’s weak. Love him when he’s strong. Love him daily, on purpose, and not because he is perfect but because he’s yours, he’s a handiwork of God’s, and he needs it … just like you.

2. Practice kindness

            This idea came to me while I was putting away dishes and meditating on Romans 12:1. When we “present [our]selves a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God” we give Him our best. Our best attitudes, our best works, our best selves. Why not try giving our best to our husbands? Why not practice kindness?

            In order to see if this really worked, I purposed to really love Dalton for the next week. I mean, I was going to put my best foot forward--just like I had when we started dating. I purposed to be the sweetest, kindest, gentlest gal he knew and so each day I chose (remember point one?) to practice being kind. I spoke extra kindly, listened extra hard, and loved more earnestly. And guess what happened? My already kind, dear, gentle husband became even more kind, dear, and gentle. He responded to my rush of kindness with kindness. It works. It really does.

3. Hear his heart

            I can be a sensitive person. I rarely catch sarcasm and tend to take offense when the most harmless of jokes (I’m sorry I’m such a baby!) is aimed at me or my loved ones. In contrast, Dalton is a teaser--something I have always appreciated about him. But things get ugly when I miss the joke—and more often than not, get offended. Once that happens I pick a fight. High pitched, barbed questions fly out of my tempered mouth, “What do you mean I’m not nice to your mother?!” or “I do not spend too much money—have you seen my raggedy shoe collection!?” Typically, Dalton just shakes his head and remarks on how feisty I am and wonders why I can’t take a joke. And I sit there, arms crossed, ready to battle the man I vowed my life to.

 Sweet ones, learn from my mistakes. Hear your husband’s heart. If he is anything like my beloved, he never purposefully speaks unkind words or jokes. So before you jump the gun and drag the poor soul to the execution take a breath. Ask him what he meant. Or maybe just laugh a little; you’ll see soon enough whether or not your breath really smells like canned dog food.

4. Practice being vulnerable

            Alright, I’m going to dive into a subject many of my fellow conservative, Christian beings will find awkward—but hey, I like swimming in the deep. ;)

            Ladies, you can love your husband by practicing vulnerability. I know we all have areas on our bodies we personally find distasteful. I tend to think I look far more attractive with a cute sundress on than without but my husband thinks differently. (Ew, gross … actually, no, no it isn’t). Practice being vulnerable; and boy, does it take practice.

God made men to be (typically) visual creatures (a.k.a they want to see ya naked! ;) It is a sacrifice … our pride, our self-image, and our confidence is on the line. We tremble thinking, “What if he doesn’t like what he sees? I sure don’t!” So in our fear (which isn’t of God by the way) we cover up. We hide ourselves. We jump under the covers quickly and refuse to let his eyes see the treasure he married. And indirectly, we tell our husbands that they aren’t worth taking risks for; our refusals proclaim a lack of trust. And that isn’t loving.

So sweet ones, practice love by trusting in your man. Practice love by taking risks. And for heaven’s sake, practice love by taking it off! ;)

Whew! There they are--four tips on how to really love your husband. Remember, love is a choice so purpose to love him daily. Practice kindness—it works! Listen to his heart instead of jumping at his throat. And finally, practice the beautiful trait of vulnerability. Of course, I have a lot to learn on the subject of marriage. But I have found that practicing these four points goes far in the harmonious, successful marriage department. I would love to hear your input, encouragement and insight – what are some of the ways you love other people? Do tell!

            With lots and lots of love and blessings,



  1. Well said Frannie!
    Loving is not always the easy way, and yes, effort does come into it, but it sounds to me as if you've got it together.
    Now that my husband is frail (80) loving takes on a different mode, as I am also his carer. But for me caring equates with love and anything I do for him is from that love.
    Make the most of all you have while you are young and healthy.

  2. Hi! I recently started following your blog, and wanted to let you know that what you write has been a blessing to me. You have a such a sweet spirit!
    This post was great! I've been married for just over a year, and as much as I love my husband, showing him true sacrificial love is something I struggle with at times. You almost completely described me when talking about how sometimes you don't catch a joke, and get offended. That's something I have to work on daily. I either let it go, or we talk about it, and he shows true love by not joking about that matter again if it truly bothers me :P Thanks for your insight! :D
    Have a wonderfully blessed day!

  3. Dear Mrs. Elizabeth, Oh, how I appreciate your sharing! I honor and bless you for your gentle, loving spirit. How precious your husband must find you!!

    Dear Angel,
    Hello and welcome!! I'm so glad you stopped by and left a comment. I so appreciate getting input from newly married ladies--it can be such an encouragement to know I'm not the only one who is learning some of these lessons. I am so happy you and your hubby share and communicate--that is so special and I'm sure the very best!

    Love and blessings!


Hey there, darling!

I'd love to hear your thoughts -- leave a comment below and I'll do my best to give you a reply. There is nothing sweeter then hearing from my readers!

Love, blessings and a steaming cup of coffee,

Frannie Anne

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