It’s a new year and I feel
heartbroken.
One year ago I returned home
from Ghana, Africa. I was so full of hopes and dreams and desires. I wanted to
be the most impacting young missionary ever. I wanted to be God’s angel sent to
earth full of love and God’s good news.
The year’s nearly past and I
look back and want to cry. A year’s worth of failures. I’m not sure if some
years are worse than others or if I’m just becoming more observant.
I want to cry when I think of
the days wasted. The friendships wounded. I mainly want to cry because I know
I’ve gone backwards in my walk with Christ.
I also rejoice because in all
my frustration and sorrow I see glimpses of His dear, faithful grace. I've
learned to forgive this year. I've caught new dreams. I'm learning to release
the life He's given me back into His capable hands.
Shannon,
a dear sister in Christ, shared this quote which I find incredible:
"The
only way to have a stainless and beautiful year at its close— is to keep the
days, as they pass, all pure and sweet, with the loveliness of holy, useful
living. It is thus, in little days— that our years come to us. We have but the
one small fragment to fill and beautify at a time.
The
year is a book, and for each day— one fair white page is opened before us. And
we are artists, whose duty it is to put something beautiful on the page. Or we
are poets, and are to write some lovely thought, some radiant sentence, on each
leaf as it lies open before us." -J.R. Miller
My heart hurts as I look over
this past year and see so many wasted moments. But I look to Christ and I am
trusting Him to take me as I am and continue to finish the work He has begun in
me.
He is my sanctification and
redemption.
Dear friend, I definitely know where you're coming from! It is so discouraging to look at our lives the way they are, and compare them to where we feel we ought to be. I have been doing some of that these last few days, and it's not a pleasant task!
ReplyDeleteI have a couple of bits of encouragement to share with you - firstly, remember that Satan almost invariably attacks us as we're coming down from a spiritual "high point" in our lives. It's natural for you to have struggles after your "high point" of the trip to Ghana; and learning from the trials of this year will teach you and make you stronger to face the trials coming as you press higher.
Secondly, and much more eloquently, I hunted up a chapter for you from Hudson Taylor's Spiritual Secret that has been hugely encouraging me this last while - it's hard to understand, but so beautiful in its promise and encouragement:
http://www.peterwade.com/articles/other/htaylor.shtml
Keep pressing forward, dear Frannie, and don't get discouraged - God loves you so much, and He's right there with you, ready to help you and give you His strength for the coming year. I will keep praying for you!
*Hugs,*
Vicki
I'm so glad that the bit from Hudson Taylor encouraged you, Frannie!! I remembered you saying that you hoped for a copy of the book for Christmas, so I hoped I wasn't redundant; but that book has had more influence on my Christian life than any book but the Bible, and I feel that the entire essence of our relationship with Christ is contained in that one passage - resting, just looking at Him and letting Him take care of everything for us. It's awfully hard to do, and I don't understand it all. But it's so profound and important that I had to share it with you. :-)
ReplyDeleteThank you, also, for being so open and honest with the struggles that you have - very often they mirror my own, and it helps, in a way, to know that I'm not the only one struggling in these areas (1 Peter 5:9). It's not always easy to put our struggles into words, let alone share them with other people. But it really blesses me when you do!
Happy New Year, my friend! May the Lord show both of us the depth, beauty, and power of His love this year!
*Hugs*,
Vicki