Monday, April 28, 2014

How to Love Your Husband or A Tutorial from a Fifty-three Day Long Marriage and Counting


Hello, sweet, sweet friends!

Ah, I have missed you! I hope this finds you all well and rejoicing in the love and incredible mercy of our Lord! I am doing very well – lots of joy and delight in our little area. Currently, we are preparing for D's days off. We’ve loaded our pantry with goodies like apples, chicken quarters, and chocolate chips, rented "The Lord of the Ring" for movie night, and have fun plans which certainly include walks downtown and mornings slept in.

What is married life truly like at *almost* two months?

You really want to know?

It is delightful.

I am so enjoying marriage. I love waking up next to my best friend. I adore greeting him when he comes home from work. I enjoy hearing his plans and dreams. I appreciate his hand holding mine as we listen to the Sunday morning sermon. It is truly beautiful.

Along with the happy, genuine joys of marriage there are the difficult moments too. I hope I always reflect both sides of marriage while blogging—a balanced approach to life as I (silly, little Frannie) sees it. Which brings me to the question,

            “How can I always love my husband?”

I’m sure many of you sweet dears find that a frivolous, ridiculous question. “Are you kidding me, Frannie?! Pshh … what kind of question is that? Obviously, someone is ungrateful!” (I can relate because I use to think the same thing! ;)

But I am serious. How can we always love our husbands?

Well, I have *good news* for you … I’m still unsure. ;) Truly, there are those days when loving your husband (or any human being) is the last thing you want to do. You may have a cold and wish he would stop asking you what you plan to place before his hungry mouth. Perhaps, he made a joke at the expense of your (dear, heavenly, perfect) mother or maybe he insists on re-arranging your *ahem* pantry. Whatever the case may be, loving your husband fully, purposefully, and continuously is a task which can seem impossible to fulfill. So, how can we love these dear men in our lives? I have a few ideas which I’ve noticed and am constantly trying to remember.

1. Love him purposefully

            Silly, right? No, it isn’t, actually. Loving people requires focus, intention, and purpose. It is a choice. Choose to love that hard working (or maybe not so hardworking) man of yours. Love him on purpose. Love him whether or not he helps around the house or whether or not he picks the most holiest of movies to watch. Love him when he’s weak. Love him when he’s strong. Love him daily, on purpose, and not because he is perfect but because he’s yours, he’s a handiwork of God’s, and he needs it … just like you.

2. Practice kindness

            This idea came to me while I was putting away dishes and meditating on Romans 12:1. When we “present [our]selves a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God” we give Him our best. Our best attitudes, our best works, our best selves. Why not try giving our best to our husbands? Why not practice kindness?

            In order to see if this really worked, I purposed to really love Dalton for the next week. I mean, I was going to put my best foot forward--just like I had when we started dating. I purposed to be the sweetest, kindest, gentlest gal he knew and so each day I chose (remember point one?) to practice being kind. I spoke extra kindly, listened extra hard, and loved more earnestly. And guess what happened? My already kind, dear, gentle husband became even more kind, dear, and gentle. He responded to my rush of kindness with kindness. It works. It really does.

3. Hear his heart

            I can be a sensitive person. I rarely catch sarcasm and tend to take offense when the most harmless of jokes (I’m sorry I’m such a baby!) is aimed at me or my loved ones. In contrast, Dalton is a teaser--something I have always appreciated about him. But things get ugly when I miss the joke—and more often than not, get offended. Once that happens I pick a fight. High pitched, barbed questions fly out of my tempered mouth, “What do you mean I’m not nice to your mother?!” or “I do not spend too much money—have you seen my raggedy shoe collection!?” Typically, Dalton just shakes his head and remarks on how feisty I am and wonders why I can’t take a joke. And I sit there, arms crossed, ready to battle the man I vowed my life to.

 Sweet ones, learn from my mistakes. Hear your husband’s heart. If he is anything like my beloved, he never purposefully speaks unkind words or jokes. So before you jump the gun and drag the poor soul to the execution take a breath. Ask him what he meant. Or maybe just laugh a little; you’ll see soon enough whether or not your breath really smells like canned dog food.

4. Practice being vulnerable

            Alright, I’m going to dive into a subject many of my fellow conservative, Christian beings will find awkward—but hey, I like swimming in the deep. ;)

            Ladies, you can love your husband by practicing vulnerability. I know we all have areas on our bodies we personally find distasteful. I tend to think I look far more attractive with a cute sundress on than without but my husband thinks differently. (Ew, gross … actually, no, no it isn’t). Practice being vulnerable; and boy, does it take practice.

God made men to be (typically) visual creatures (a.k.a they want to see ya naked! ;) It is a sacrifice … our pride, our self-image, and our confidence is on the line. We tremble thinking, “What if he doesn’t like what he sees? I sure don’t!” So in our fear (which isn’t of God by the way) we cover up. We hide ourselves. We jump under the covers quickly and refuse to let his eyes see the treasure he married. And indirectly, we tell our husbands that they aren’t worth taking risks for; our refusals proclaim a lack of trust. And that isn’t loving.

So sweet ones, practice love by trusting in your man. Practice love by taking risks. And for heaven’s sake, practice love by taking it off! ;)

Whew! There they are--four tips on how to really love your husband. Remember, love is a choice so purpose to love him daily. Practice kindness—it works! Listen to his heart instead of jumping at his throat. And finally, practice the beautiful trait of vulnerability. Of course, I have a lot to learn on the subject of marriage. But I have found that practicing these four points goes far in the harmonious, successful marriage department. I would love to hear your input, encouragement and insight – what are some of the ways you love other people? Do tell!

            With lots and lots of love and blessings,

                        Frannie

Saturday, April 5, 2014

My Misunderstandings of the Character of God


As a Christian have you ever felt dried out, broken or bitter toward God when following His will and Word is difficult to do or at least feels like it?

            I have.
            Until I was struck with a very important, life-changing idea.
            God is love and He loves it when I obey Him.
            See, I had a very misconstrued concept of who my Abba Daddy was. Even though I proclaimed God to be a loving Father I saw Him as a displeased, distant judge. Even though I knew He was the Good Shepard I believed His hands were the heavy-handed kind, not given to the gentle touch I often need.
            I haven’t always had this view of the character of God but lately I have struggled with huge amounts of condemnation, fear, and doubt. I knew I loved God but felt like I didn’t feel love. And sadly, when I don’t feel something I often have a hard time doing it even if it is the right thing. Besides, if God is a severe ruler who will not be pleased, why try? I’ve had employers who would not be pleased with my best efforts; their attitude made even the most pleasant tasks unenjoyable and difficult to follow through with. I felt like God resembled those same employers … and it made me want to quit.
            Thankfully, God changed my view. I have been reading through Sarah Young’s Jesus Calling and came across a very powerful page which read,
            “Relax in My healing presence. As you spend time with Me [God], your thoughts tend to jump ahead to today’s plans and problems. Bring your mind back to Me for refreshment and renewal. Let the Light of My Presence soak into you as you focus your thoughts on Me. Thus I equip you to face whatever the day brings. This sacrifice of time pleases Me and strengthens you. Do not skimp on our time together. Resist the clamor of tasks waiting to be done. You have chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from you.”
            I realized, quite suddenly, that God could be pleased. Even before I was born He loved me. He had called me out of this world to be His daughter … surely, He wouldn’t show such care if He in fact did not care. And while my own good works were not enough to deliver me from death His were. Thank the Lord He does not see my own efforts but Jesus Christ’s, the Son of God who died and rose again for me! Not only has He delivered me from the power of sin but He has given me work to do and He is pleased by my obedience and love! What a good God we serve!
            I know that these concepts are very basic. But if you are one of God’s people who struggle with condemnation and even anger with the difficulty in obeying God’s commands then realizing that He truly loves you and cares for you can make His ways light and a delight to do.
                        With so much love!
                                    Frannie

Thursday, April 3, 2014

Did you hear?

p..s.
I started a wee Tumblr blog recently. I’ve found sharing day-to-day life is much easier this way, along with the ba-zillion of cat and coffee related pictures which seem to find their way onto my screen. So, if you’re interested in something a little different head on over.


Lord willing, this site will continue in all it's profound regularity. It's content might even get better ... wouldn't that be exciting?
 
 
With a happy heart,
Frannie

April :: Goals and Favorites

The heartiest of hellos to you, sweet friends. Currently, I am cuddling in my favorite sea-colored blanket, with coffee in mind, and great music in the background. The current rain storms we’re getting and the lovely (though surprising) pops of colors from the local greenery has me feeling alive and ready to accomplish big things. How appropriate then that Amelia should post her goals and favorites this month and invite others to join in too! J So here I go, sharing my goals and favorites for this month.

Goals

Read through the book of John … twice :: D and I have been watching The Gospel of John and I really enjoy reading Scripture with it.

Stick to our set budget/meal ideas :: We’ve come up with a workable budget and I’m excited to apply it

3. Have thank-you cards written and ready to be sent at the end of the month

4. Basement brigade :: Wash down the ceiling, walls, and back room of basement (Tentative to the availability of teammate and beloved, D) J

5. Prune rose bush, put in (tiny) herb garden, and maybe get pot-garden in :: And blog about the results

6. Wash/dress-up mailbox

7. Order transcripts :: I am so thankful I am able to continue attending college—praying I am accepted to the nearby school

8. Finish pantry :: This includes putting in nails in order to hang pots and reorganizing

9. Remove paint from kitchen window

10. Bake cookies and pass around J :: Using the recipe and ingredients given by a clever wedding guest!

 Favorites

Daffodils and cherry blossoms are blooming :: We are thoroughly enjoying the lovely blossoms which make our home seem cherry and fresh

Our new coffee mugs a sweet friend gave :: “You’re my cup of tea” and “I like you a latte” are the cutest sayings ever to find their way on coffee cups

Meeting new friends  :: In special, God-decreed ways!

Having family over :: Last week some of our family and friends came for a visit bringing our wedding presents along with them. We had so much fun opening gifts, eating Chinese, touring the capital, and just enjoying each other’s company.

Being married :: Yes, this is one takes the cake J


I’d love to hear your goals for this month--join the fun and share!

With lots of love and blessings,
Frannie
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