Defeating the Marianne Syndrome

Love.

That one little word which holds so much meaning to a single girl. Will I ever meet him? Will I ever be  a wife? Will I ever be loved? Or, perhaps I'm the only girl who thinks such brash, lovey-dovey thoughts . . . (gulp).

Since I think I qualify for female normalcy, (hmm?) allow me to be transparently honest. Love hurts; or rather, waiting for love hurts. It's the vast unknown, the what's-behind-the-corner outlook which causes aches. Aches which lead to daydreams, expectations, and silly gossip. And when these are unfounded, when there is no love to give place to dreams, pain comes like an active pulse. The terrible Marianne and Elinor syndrome of bursting spontaniously into tears, falling carelessly ill, and going about one's business in a state of pensiveness.

And I know what that pain feels like--I've been female long enough to know that we were created to give love and to receive it. It's natural.

But I'm learning to depend on something unnatural: The tender, all-knowing love of Jesus. You see, He knows me. He knows my thoughts without my sharing them and He knows my dreams. He knows how badly my heart aches sometimes and instead of chiding or mocking he gently brings His word to mind He speaks.

"Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths. "

"O LORD, thou hast searched me, and known me. Thou knowest my downsitting and mine uprising, thou understandest my thought afar off. Thou compassest my path and my lying down, and art acquainted with all my ways. For there is not a word in my tongue, but, lo, O LORD, thou knowest it altogether"

"How precious also are thy thoughts unto me, O God! how great is the sum of them! If I should count them, they are more in number than the sand: when I awake, I am still with thee."

I look to the amazing love of Jesus and I know that I am safe--safe to cry my tears of fear or self-pity and safe to place myself in His hands. Odd enough, when I do so, I start to see my life falling into place and full of purpose . . . even without someone special. I begin to see that He has a marvelous plan (whether that includes my current dreams or not, He is good!).

I rest in His unfailing love and know that whatever I plan is second best when compared to His plan. I know that He gives me enough grace to boldly set aside mine for His. Therefore, I sing.

I am Persuaded

For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come,
 Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.  Romans 8:38,39

I am persuaded:

That God is good, I am completely forgiven, and completely loved.

That He will work all things together for good and that the more I lose my life in Him the more I gain in unimaginable ways.

My life has a purpose, a meaning, and that His thoughts toward me are more numerous than the sand. So numerous, in fact, that I cannot count them.

I am persuaded.

That you are just as valuable and precious to Him too.

The Girl with the Stache and an Attitude

It had been one of those kind of days.

The kind of day which starts late because I stayed up too late and for some odd reason I am at odds with everyone. I stroll throughout the house overwhelmed and cranky; too much homework and too many undone projects remind me of my time-managing failures. The kind of day in which you desperately hope your spiritual friends decide (not to) give a ring.

"Arise, O LORD; save me, O my God! For you have smitten all mine enemies on the cheek; You have shattered the teeth of the wicked. "

Psalm 3:7

I'm not sure why my dad decided to pick up his devotional and read aloud this passage. All I know is that it was exactly what I needed to hear. Mind you, I did not particularly enjoy it but it was good.

"Arise, O LORD; save me, O my God! For you have smitten all mine enemies . . ."

My enemies? Were these foes flesh and blood? People I could blame for my ill temper?  No, my enemies were unseen; they bury themselves below the surface and appear just in time to work my eyes, my voice, my heart against someone I'm supposed to love as myself. They're attitudes--mighty opponents.

"Arise, O LORD; save me, O my God!"

In that brief unexpected moment of Daddy's reading I realized who I was harboring. Enemies. Enemies of my family, of God, of myself. Wicked attitudes of strife, discord, and anger.

"You have shattered the teeth of the wicked."

I can't say my attitude was overthrown that moment. But I can say that God's word spoke and He gave me the tools to defeat my carnality. He gave me the grace to give a kind word, practice understanding, and to love.

 But thou, O Lord, art a shield for me; my glory, and the lifter up of mine head.

I cried unto the Lord with my voice, and he heard me out of his holy hill. Selah.

Arise, O Lord; save me, O my God: for thou hast smitten all mine enemies upon the cheek bone; thou hast broken the teeth of the ungodly.

Salvation belongeth unto the Lord: thy blessing is upon thy people. Selah.

Psalm 3:3-4,7-8

Other newsworthy and exciting tidbits of life: my sister and momma both had a birthday this week! Mustaches were a required item in order to enjoy the 21 year-old's birthday meal. And yes, I realize that I bear a remarkable resemblance to Einstein's nephew. Please do not rub it in. :-)

"Winds-day"

Gopher: If I was you, I'd think about skedaddlin' out of here.
Winnie the Pooh: Why? 

Gopher: Cause it's "Winds-day."

Today I had the blessed privilege of watching a ruddy toddler, a self proclaimed Davie Crockett (aged 4)  and a grown-up eight year old Miss. It was a day of red Koolaid mustaches, pretzel sticks and monkey bars.

 Add the warmth and life of sunshine + the fun of a windy day + a little pink kite and a large orange umbrella and what do you find? One wind tousled baby-sitter and three very happy kids.

Beautiful.